sometimes i cant help but feel tt i realli cant trust my own supposedly good frens..in the space of a few months alone i've been stabbed in the back so many times that it starting to be part of ayu's life. wat a sad thing to have to happen to someone..cant understand y people i noe are getting so much more hypocritical nowadays..maybe me too, i dunno. it juz hurts a lot to think tt now u cant realli tell ur frens wat ur feeling coz hu knows within the next few hrs or sumtg it will be on the school walls or sumtg for all to see. i might be hypocritical but i do not stab my friends in the back...defeats the purpose of being a fren ryt? unfortunately i cant sa the same for my frens..wat is it tt they feel..jealousy? i haf no idea y they shd be tt way.. they're so much betta in many aspects compared to me..mebbe it makes them feel good, being able to belittle and hurt someone. sadists..okay, maybe not my frens per say but generally friendship doesn't have the connotations to me as it did some time ago..maybe it was always like that, maybe i've just managed to lift my rose-tinted glasses off my nose.. but then again, of course there are exceptions to the rule.. i do noe of people who are realli sincere in their frenships with me. or are they..
anyway, i'm getting realli upset lately coz i've done nothing lately to improve my singing..others have already launched their careers and here i am, still an unknown..the truth is i'm scared of failure, itz become an obsession with me.. i absolutely refuse to take jumps that might be juz wat i needed...or on the other hand, it might break me. that's wat i'm afraid of..people tell me try, you never know wat might be in store for u...i wish i had more faith in myself, like some of my faithful supporters.. i feel like i've let them down somehow but i can't make myself do anithing abt it.. wat do i do now.
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