heya... nothing grand happened so not much to report....went to the beach today... was fun.... anyway, exam's on the ninth.... oooooooouch. studying later after i unclog some matters from my brain... i like 2play's song..... used to hate it like the devil but it kinda grows on you i guess... yawn yawn... o ya, went back to my old place in hougang yesterday wif my peeps.... miss it soooooo much...the food there is still good. made me realise how much the school food stinks...anyway i am on painkillers and vitamins now..bugger. otherwise, this week has been bleaaaahh.. NOT! i shall not be a sad pathetic loser so i shall focus on positive thoughts. sigh... tok another day i guess...my brain's on a holiday. since when was it not, anyway? hah.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Sunday, September 19, 2004
ninteenth september
i think i noe wat cikgu meant when he said i was gonna die on the eigthteenth...not physically... emotionally. i dunno how the hell that conclusion regarding me was made. itz so bloody unfair. anyway tonight things shall be sorted out.
Something happened on the 7th of september but i am not in a position to divulge the information.. anyway, yup, here i am banging on the keys again, trying to make some sense out of my thoughts that are, frankly, muddled...
Ok scrap that. I needddddd to sllllleeeeep! Mind you, its only three now.. i have become such a couch potato these days..but no beer belly, no chance of that happening..must get out more!! And end up spending more, of course... there’s always the downside of things huh..damn.. i wanna go to the beach!! Hint hint hint...ok forget the subtle hint... here’s ayu hollering I WANNA GO TO THE BEACH YOU MORONS!!!! SOMEONE ASK ME LAH!!! actually i just went yesterday..wanna go again..hehe.
Ouch. Sorry if i made your eardrums burst or something. Do i write like a bimbo? Ok scrap that.bimbos dont even bother writing in blogs.. yes tell me again you fellas..ayu have you got nothing betta to do? Sorry to disappoint you guys but contrary to popular belief, i really do not have a life, other than staring at my own face on my handphone’s wallpaper and idly poking the buttons. So...yup yup... what else is there to talk about....yawn yawn... hey cut me some slack ok... i am not the most interesting person around i noe but at least i do get out once in a while.
I remember what kak nana said when she first heard me ( btw, i hate microphones, karaoke n recorded versions of my songs/voice. The only time i sound reasonably okay is live. Which is bad, since if i wanna do records they would obviously hafta be in recorded form. What the hell did i just say? I DID NOT MAKE SENSE. B-I-M-B-O) was that i dont sound like a fifteen year old. She said i sound like i’ve been singing all my life.. kinda close to the truth. Ever since i was maybe four? (And for the uninformed, i am seventeen and four months now, thank you very much)
Ok...watch out.. ayu’s going to tell a grandmother’s story again..grab your pillows.. and bolsters....hahahahahaha. the first time i sang in front of more than a hundred peeps was a wedding.. i was five then.. my aunt still has the tape.. i was one hot babe then... woohoo! *whistle* anyway,i sang this song lah, called janji manismu by aisyah... i remember some guy took out the flowers from the vase on the table and gave them to me... i didnt exactly remember lah, until one day i went over to my aunt’s n she played her wedding vcd
(converted from the tape).... during that time i was already actively performing.. ok that’s an understatement. I’ve been performing all my life.. what i meant was singing, because, ironically, i did acting and emceeing when i was younger. i didn’t sing much when i was in pri school or early sec school... only when i was in sec 3 then i suddenly hit my head on the wall and started to sing A LOT on stage, although i’ve been singing in the bathroom all my life. So ya... it was then that it hit me ( am i a klutz or wat...hit here hit there...) that maybe this was what i wanted to do... and i guess i have to thank my ex-boyfriend for opening so many doors for me during the time that i was in dikir barat.. he’s more of a brother now though n i miss him... anyway, yupz...had offers but not taking them up anytime soon.. i want to be under a good label anyway. Not trying to be haughty here but a good label really makes a difference...... but studies first of course... MASS COMMMMMMMMMMMMUNICATIONNNNS!
Something happened on the 7th of september but i am not in a position to divulge the information.. anyway, yup, here i am banging on the keys again, trying to make some sense out of my thoughts that are, frankly, muddled...
Ok scrap that. I needddddd to sllllleeeeep! Mind you, its only three now.. i have become such a couch potato these days..but no beer belly, no chance of that happening..must get out more!! And end up spending more, of course... there’s always the downside of things huh..damn.. i wanna go to the beach!! Hint hint hint...ok forget the subtle hint... here’s ayu hollering I WANNA GO TO THE BEACH YOU MORONS!!!! SOMEONE ASK ME LAH!!! actually i just went yesterday..wanna go again..hehe.
Ouch. Sorry if i made your eardrums burst or something. Do i write like a bimbo? Ok scrap that.bimbos dont even bother writing in blogs.. yes tell me again you fellas..ayu have you got nothing betta to do? Sorry to disappoint you guys but contrary to popular belief, i really do not have a life, other than staring at my own face on my handphone’s wallpaper and idly poking the buttons. So...yup yup... what else is there to talk about....yawn yawn... hey cut me some slack ok... i am not the most interesting person around i noe but at least i do get out once in a while.
I remember what kak nana said when she first heard me ( btw, i hate microphones, karaoke n recorded versions of my songs/voice. The only time i sound reasonably okay is live. Which is bad, since if i wanna do records they would obviously hafta be in recorded form. What the hell did i just say? I DID NOT MAKE SENSE. B-I-M-B-O) was that i dont sound like a fifteen year old. She said i sound like i’ve been singing all my life.. kinda close to the truth. Ever since i was maybe four? (And for the uninformed, i am seventeen and four months now, thank you very much)
Ok...watch out.. ayu’s going to tell a grandmother’s story again..grab your pillows.. and bolsters....hahahahahaha. the first time i sang in front of more than a hundred peeps was a wedding.. i was five then.. my aunt still has the tape.. i was one hot babe then... woohoo! *whistle* anyway,i sang this song lah, called janji manismu by aisyah... i remember some guy took out the flowers from the vase on the table and gave them to me... i didnt exactly remember lah, until one day i went over to my aunt’s n she played her wedding vcd
(converted from the tape).... during that time i was already actively performing.. ok that’s an understatement. I’ve been performing all my life.. what i meant was singing, because, ironically, i did acting and emceeing when i was younger. i didn’t sing much when i was in pri school or early sec school... only when i was in sec 3 then i suddenly hit my head on the wall and started to sing A LOT on stage, although i’ve been singing in the bathroom all my life. So ya... it was then that it hit me ( am i a klutz or wat...hit here hit there...) that maybe this was what i wanted to do... and i guess i have to thank my ex-boyfriend for opening so many doors for me during the time that i was in dikir barat.. he’s more of a brother now though n i miss him... anyway, yupz...had offers but not taking them up anytime soon.. i want to be under a good label anyway. Not trying to be haughty here but a good label really makes a difference...... but studies first of course... MASS COMMMMMMMMMMMMUNICATIONNNNS!
Sunday, September 05, 2004
fifth september
i suppose everything happens for a reason huh... i cant possibly say that i'm reaalli happy wif the way things are going but i guess i'll juz hafta put up wif it and hope for the best.. *fingers are crossed* anyway, yup...on a lighter note..i'm in the hundredth percentile for gp.... yayayay.... dat means no one got higher marks than i did..by chance only lah... but i've got a feeling he's my lucky charm.... i've been lucky in moz aspects...except probably relationship-wise.... sigh...
i've been very...ermmm..i dunno... fascinated i guess by these particular paragraphs i've read from this book nana brought home :
Nick was willing to let her do anything, anything to him, except to leave him. That he would not let her do. " Lauren, please let me -"
" No!" she cried hysterically. "Stay away from me!"
She tried to run, and Nick caught her by the arms. She turned on him like a demented weeping wildcat, struggling wildly, striking out at him ( my gawd, that so sounds like me... i have been such a bitch lately, venting my anger on him) "You bastard!" she screamed in hysterical, maddened pain, pounding on his chest, his shoulders. "You bastard!I begged you on my knees!"
It took all of Nick's strength to hold her until her fury was finally spent and she collapsed against him, her slim body racked with wrenching sobs. " You made me beg-" she wept brokenly in his arms."-you made me beg".
Her tears tore at his heart , and her words slashed him like knives. He held her, staring blindly ahead, remembering the beautiful,laughing girl who had walked into his life ( ya for me i didn't walk into his life..i hobbled...he sprinted into mine... ok corny.) and turned it upside down with her glowing smile ( yup...i like his smile too..)
"What happens if this slipper fits?"
"I turn you into a handsome frog"
His eyes stung with remorse and he closed them. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm so sorry"
Lauren heard the raw ache in his voice, and she felt the wall of icy numbness she'd built around herself beginning to melt. She fought to blank out the exquisite beauty of being in his arms again, of being pressed against his big, strong body. (i miss that too..a lot)
In the lonely weeks of sleepless nights and angry desolate days ( i can relate to that too), she'd come to the conclusion that Nick was incurably cynical and hard ( i called him a liar and a bastard ...sorry baby). His mother's desertion had made him that way, and nothing she herslf could do would ever change him. He would always be capable of shutting her out of his life and coldly walking away from her, because he would never really love her.
and that is what i'm afraid of. and that's why my insecurities always make me lash out at you becoz i'm so scared of losing u.. not that i even have you in the first place of course. and i do feel like a beggar. but only because.. u noe... sometimes u try as hard as possible to forget that person... at times you almost succeed.. those are the times when i can summon the courage to 'yell' at you... to work up enough anger to make myself hate you...then i break down and realise that i love you far too much and there's no turning back. i was really afraid when you told me you loved me for the very first time. i told you not to say it if u didn't mean it. i know you always had a hard time trying to get me to say 'i love you' but believe me.. i wanted to say it but i was afraid then that if you realli knew what you meant to me, you would leave. anyway.. i love you.
i've been very...ermmm..i dunno... fascinated i guess by these particular paragraphs i've read from this book nana brought home :
Nick was willing to let her do anything, anything to him, except to leave him. That he would not let her do. " Lauren, please let me -"
" No!" she cried hysterically. "Stay away from me!"
She tried to run, and Nick caught her by the arms. She turned on him like a demented weeping wildcat, struggling wildly, striking out at him ( my gawd, that so sounds like me... i have been such a bitch lately, venting my anger on him) "You bastard!" she screamed in hysterical, maddened pain, pounding on his chest, his shoulders. "You bastard!I begged you on my knees!"
It took all of Nick's strength to hold her until her fury was finally spent and she collapsed against him, her slim body racked with wrenching sobs. " You made me beg-" she wept brokenly in his arms."-you made me beg".
Her tears tore at his heart , and her words slashed him like knives. He held her, staring blindly ahead, remembering the beautiful,laughing girl who had walked into his life ( ya for me i didn't walk into his life..i hobbled...he sprinted into mine... ok corny.) and turned it upside down with her glowing smile ( yup...i like his smile too..)
"What happens if this slipper fits?"
"I turn you into a handsome frog"
His eyes stung with remorse and he closed them. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm so sorry"
Lauren heard the raw ache in his voice, and she felt the wall of icy numbness she'd built around herself beginning to melt. She fought to blank out the exquisite beauty of being in his arms again, of being pressed against his big, strong body. (i miss that too..a lot)
In the lonely weeks of sleepless nights and angry desolate days ( i can relate to that too), she'd come to the conclusion that Nick was incurably cynical and hard ( i called him a liar and a bastard ...sorry baby). His mother's desertion had made him that way, and nothing she herslf could do would ever change him. He would always be capable of shutting her out of his life and coldly walking away from her, because he would never really love her.
and that is what i'm afraid of. and that's why my insecurities always make me lash out at you becoz i'm so scared of losing u.. not that i even have you in the first place of course. and i do feel like a beggar. but only because.. u noe... sometimes u try as hard as possible to forget that person... at times you almost succeed.. those are the times when i can summon the courage to 'yell' at you... to work up enough anger to make myself hate you...then i break down and realise that i love you far too much and there's no turning back. i was really afraid when you told me you loved me for the very first time. i told you not to say it if u didn't mean it. i know you always had a hard time trying to get me to say 'i love you' but believe me.. i wanted to say it but i was afraid then that if you realli knew what you meant to me, you would leave. anyway.. i love you.
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