aloooo... went to tekong yesterday... saw this cute mat.. but don't worry, i remembered to control myself...didnt go beyond a sheepish grin from him and a smile from me... i am a loyal fool. =) (although for the life of me i dunno y) oh come on ayu who r u kidding...hehe.
tomorrow i've gotta audition for some thingy... don mess up...go ayu! see how pathetic dis moron can get? hehe.. anyanyanyanyway, i finally ate junk food today..after two weeks of abstaining from it. today i came home at 5 ++ coz i was so darn bored..didn't teach tuition today.. i didnt know they had durian at botanic garden...or was it a joke? ah wateva lah... love life....non-existent now..... i'm so freaking sleepy right now.. o ya..i diagnosed cikgu's illness correctly the other day..maybe i shd go for a career switch...to a doctor?????? selamatlah korang. quack doctor..or bomoh..can u juz imagine? hehehehe...cikgu was telling us dat he can't control his sudden bouts of....errmmm..sleeping and i said..oh..u got sleep apnea ah... wah..pandai seh minah ni...
and i told aisyah abt banshees and stuff... quantum physics...action je lebih... hehe... y am i blogging in malay? o ya..me and shahidah had this INTELLECTUAL conversation juz now in the library, saying we need to memartabatkan bahasa melayu... tok cock only. i did a whole lot better for history this time around.yay... but my essay out of context. fucker. studied wrong topic.. forgot what happened in the yr the qn was referring to..
my gawd i'm one hell of a boring blogger..shall only write when truly necessary next time. and forgive my previous entry...jiwang seh minah ni.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Sunday, August 22, 2004
twenty-second august
sigh...where do i start... i guess there's not much to say nowadays... maybe everything's that happened lately is for the best.. i'm seriously screwed up.
mengapa kita berjumpa
bercinta dan putus pula
yet the past five weeks have been the happiest i've been in ages. i told him that as long as i know he loves me, it would suffice... but i am lying. i'm such a selfish person. i guess that's why i have to go away. there can never be love in friendship and the way i'm loving him, i guess it's kinda impossible for us to be just friends. how can i, knowing i will never have my hand in his. and yet the knowledge of never hearing his voice, feeling his touch is absolutely grating my heart. the wound from the past hasnt even healed fully yet and now another one has appeared. am i jinxed or something?
i'm so dunb to think for even a single moment that he will choose me. i guess i can never give him what she can. i hope one day the tears that are still falling even as i write this will stop falling. and i will learn to love another person again. but the truth is, i really love him. a lot. and it hurts. y shd people meet, fall in love and then not be able to be together? star-crossed lovers.
i am thinking of you
in my sleepless solitude tonight
if itz wrong to love you
then my heart just wont let me be right
coz i've drowned in you
and i wont pull through
without you by my side
these are some of the smses i wish to immortalise here. because i love him. then, now, and forever.
1st aug : yup yup. good enough to eat. just afraid it'll make me diabetic. you're extra sweet you know.
ah.....do you know that to me you are pretty.
4th aug: a la so boring cant meet you. ok ah next time you sing live for me so i can continue to live. ha ha
a la main main pun tak boleh. I LOVE YOU!
yup i do mean it. i feel very happy when i message you or see you:) but on the phone its tough to talk
i just hope you will be happy in you studies and things you do in life really. i wish i never hurt you or made you cry a single tear.
i really do like you. i swear i do. however everything sucks coz its impossible! I really hate it!
i don know. don cry over me k. i am never worth it. i suck i know.
ayu no! this was never a bet! i walked with you at the bridge remember. then i knew then i liked you. things happened. do you think its advisable to continue?
5th aug : it does not make me happy. but there is no other way. is there any other way dear? please tell me cos i really wanna noe..
no i don regret it. i feel happy though. at least i had a chance to tell you how i feel.
hey are you ok? can u jus relax? pls hate me dump me whatever. stop feeling miserable darling. i hope i can cal you darling forever.
I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU. IF TIME WERE REVERSED I WOULD FALL IN LVE WITH YOU ALL OVER AGAIN.
6th aug : yup and i still mean what i say now. i do love you. just that when you ask me i have to deny. i don wan you to think i fall in love easily. you are special.
7th aug : who says we have to be together for now? why cant we be two people in love?
thank you for saying that. i love you too so so so so much.... you know i feel like crying too cos we cant be together... =(
8th aug : i seriously hope you feel that i am worth all the trouble you are going through.. i sincerely do hope something will come out of this relationship.
9th aug : i dreamt that you scolded me for drinking your lemon tea in school... but in that dream you were my girlfriend =)
ayu its not that i don care or am not jealous. i am pretending not to be. i am just trying to give you a fair chance that's all.i love you too....
15 th aug : why are you so nice and want to sacrifice for me? is there any way i can sacrifice for you too?
19th aug : yay! i don care if people see... as long as i get to see you tomorrow apa nak jadi jadi ah.
21 aug : yes i do very much. but this is simply not feasible. it will never work out. better stop it sooner than later.
it means that i love you but don wan to take it further cos it will only hurt us.
22 aug : whatever for? i would be lying. we are simply a case where we love each other but cant be with each other thats all.
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of my love story. but it doesnt mean its the end of my love for him... and hopefully, his love for me too.. i love you baby. always.
mengapa kita berjumpa
bercinta dan putus pula
yet the past five weeks have been the happiest i've been in ages. i told him that as long as i know he loves me, it would suffice... but i am lying. i'm such a selfish person. i guess that's why i have to go away. there can never be love in friendship and the way i'm loving him, i guess it's kinda impossible for us to be just friends. how can i, knowing i will never have my hand in his. and yet the knowledge of never hearing his voice, feeling his touch is absolutely grating my heart. the wound from the past hasnt even healed fully yet and now another one has appeared. am i jinxed or something?
i'm so dunb to think for even a single moment that he will choose me. i guess i can never give him what she can. i hope one day the tears that are still falling even as i write this will stop falling. and i will learn to love another person again. but the truth is, i really love him. a lot. and it hurts. y shd people meet, fall in love and then not be able to be together? star-crossed lovers.
i am thinking of you
in my sleepless solitude tonight
if itz wrong to love you
then my heart just wont let me be right
coz i've drowned in you
and i wont pull through
without you by my side
these are some of the smses i wish to immortalise here. because i love him. then, now, and forever.
1st aug : yup yup. good enough to eat. just afraid it'll make me diabetic. you're extra sweet you know.
ah.....do you know that to me you are pretty.
4th aug: a la so boring cant meet you. ok ah next time you sing live for me so i can continue to live. ha ha
a la main main pun tak boleh. I LOVE YOU!
yup i do mean it. i feel very happy when i message you or see you:) but on the phone its tough to talk
i just hope you will be happy in you studies and things you do in life really. i wish i never hurt you or made you cry a single tear.
i really do like you. i swear i do. however everything sucks coz its impossible! I really hate it!
i don know. don cry over me k. i am never worth it. i suck i know.
ayu no! this was never a bet! i walked with you at the bridge remember. then i knew then i liked you. things happened. do you think its advisable to continue?
5th aug : it does not make me happy. but there is no other way. is there any other way dear? please tell me cos i really wanna noe..
no i don regret it. i feel happy though. at least i had a chance to tell you how i feel.
hey are you ok? can u jus relax? pls hate me dump me whatever. stop feeling miserable darling. i hope i can cal you darling forever.
I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU. IF TIME WERE REVERSED I WOULD FALL IN LVE WITH YOU ALL OVER AGAIN.
6th aug : yup and i still mean what i say now. i do love you. just that when you ask me i have to deny. i don wan you to think i fall in love easily. you are special.
7th aug : who says we have to be together for now? why cant we be two people in love?
thank you for saying that. i love you too so so so so much.... you know i feel like crying too cos we cant be together... =(
8th aug : i seriously hope you feel that i am worth all the trouble you are going through.. i sincerely do hope something will come out of this relationship.
9th aug : i dreamt that you scolded me for drinking your lemon tea in school... but in that dream you were my girlfriend =)
ayu its not that i don care or am not jealous. i am pretending not to be. i am just trying to give you a fair chance that's all.i love you too....
15 th aug : why are you so nice and want to sacrifice for me? is there any way i can sacrifice for you too?
19th aug : yay! i don care if people see... as long as i get to see you tomorrow apa nak jadi jadi ah.
21 aug : yes i do very much. but this is simply not feasible. it will never work out. better stop it sooner than later.
it means that i love you but don wan to take it further cos it will only hurt us.
22 aug : whatever for? i would be lying. we are simply a case where we love each other but cant be with each other thats all.
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of my love story. but it doesnt mean its the end of my love for him... and hopefully, his love for me too.. i love you baby. always.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
eighteenth august
itz better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...
if you love someone, let him go, and if he never comes back to you, he was never yours to begin with....
the truth hurts. i suppose life itself a sacrifice...mine is so insignificant compared to what others have done. some days, i'm on top of the world...others, i juz wanna dig a hole in the ground and stay there for eternity. i suppose the last month or so has been a major emotional roller-coaster ride for me. but then again, everyone goes thru this at a certain stage in their life. i really resent the fact that people looking at the situation from their point of view seem to dismiss everything. oh, it happens. you'll get over it. wat the fuck. yeah, maybe i sould stop caring so much what people think about me and do what i really want to. this, of course, applies to many aspects of my life. but undeniably, itz over.
"everyone hurts"
sewaktu mula bertemu dulu
kuanggap kau hanya kawan
tetapi telah sudah mesra
berputiknya rasa sayang
pabila kita tidak bertemu terasa rindu dikalbu
akhirnya kita menyedari yang kita sudah jatuh cinta...
wateva happens, happens. i guess life has to go on. but look at me and you can see that while others are moving on at a brisk speed, i'm at the back, dragging my feet. oh well...
the trouble with love is
it doesnt care how fast you fall
and you cant refuse the call
see you've got no say at all
now, i was once the fool, itz true
i played the game by all the rules
but now my world's a deeper blue
i'm sadder, but i'm wiser too
i swore i'd never love again
i swore my heart would never mend
said love wasn't worth the pain
but then i hear it call my name......
i wonder why i'm a singer.
if you love someone, let him go, and if he never comes back to you, he was never yours to begin with....
the truth hurts. i suppose life itself a sacrifice...mine is so insignificant compared to what others have done. some days, i'm on top of the world...others, i juz wanna dig a hole in the ground and stay there for eternity. i suppose the last month or so has been a major emotional roller-coaster ride for me. but then again, everyone goes thru this at a certain stage in their life. i really resent the fact that people looking at the situation from their point of view seem to dismiss everything. oh, it happens. you'll get over it. wat the fuck. yeah, maybe i sould stop caring so much what people think about me and do what i really want to. this, of course, applies to many aspects of my life. but undeniably, itz over.
"everyone hurts"
sewaktu mula bertemu dulu
kuanggap kau hanya kawan
tetapi telah sudah mesra
berputiknya rasa sayang
pabila kita tidak bertemu terasa rindu dikalbu
akhirnya kita menyedari yang kita sudah jatuh cinta...
wateva happens, happens. i guess life has to go on. but look at me and you can see that while others are moving on at a brisk speed, i'm at the back, dragging my feet. oh well...
the trouble with love is
it doesnt care how fast you fall
and you cant refuse the call
see you've got no say at all
now, i was once the fool, itz true
i played the game by all the rules
but now my world's a deeper blue
i'm sadder, but i'm wiser too
i swore i'd never love again
i swore my heart would never mend
said love wasn't worth the pain
but then i hear it call my name......
i wonder why i'm a singer.
Friday, August 13, 2004
thirteenth august
well well well....... letz juz say lot of stuff has happened in the space of ten days.. i love you darling..i know you read my blog... and to my other faithful followers, i'm sorry but i simply haven't got the time to update it as frequently as i did then.. i've been errrrr........ busy.. anyway, today's happenings.. despite today being an oh-so-unlucky day( friday the 13th for the extremely uninformed) i managed to win something at school...it was dumb actually.. come to think of it, itz also a historical event for me coz I WON A SINGING CONTEST!!!! yes yes... finally, excluding my stints in dikir barat and previous school events, i've got something to show to my grandchildren...see, nenek was good at SOMETHING.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
fourth august
hey hey hey... not in school today coz my head is on a strike...hurts..went on a date yesterday...well i don't realli know whether it can be classified as a date...but yupz, it was ok..he kissed me..haha. i'm at a loss..dunno weder i shd take the risk of going any further...well, to me it seems he likes me more than i like him, which is what i've been wanting anyway, but then again there is a tremendous amt of emotional baggage that comes with all of this...and itz so sudden i muz admit i'm stumped..i never imagined...i used to say whatever happens happens but now i'm afraid of what the future might hold for the both of us.. i think he might get bored and leave me in the lurch within a month. which is not exactly very favourable,izzit... sigh.
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