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i'm sitting here alone up in my room..and thinking bout the times that we've been thru..

today, the 17th of june. can't say that i dont love him, cant say dat i do. dere's definitely something though. cant figure out wat it is.. infatuation? mebbe, hu knows. anyway, stuck at home as always. letting life pass me by. everyone else seems so occupied, so full of life. oh btw, i havent studied for the exams. procrastination is my middle name. which is detrimental.duh.

last night i overdosed on food again. seems to be my way of dealing with stuff. i noe itz not good, but i guess it better than jumping off the building or slitting my wrists, not that i've contemplated doing so, not for a long time anyway.. i'm a coward, ending up juz crying my lungs out at the end of the day.. apalah upaya diriku wanita.. dan yang tinggal kini kelukaan...

sometimes i wonder why MY friends are called frens at all. they're more like fiends, if u understand wat i mean. only there when they want sumtg from me; when there's no one else AT THE MOMENT that they wanna tok to.. or they juz wanna siphon knowledge abt that latest cute guy from me.. so.. plastic. if it weren't for guys i doubt we would be speaking much..how typical of frenships nowadays.. i tk itz losing itz meaning. so hypocritical. the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players. just that some are much bigger players than the rest. mebbe i am one too.. hu am i to say.

if music be the food of love, play on.. i don't even know if i've quoted correctly.. amusing, the time when i was involved in sum lit thingy..me and sutha did a tango..she had a rose btw her lips..i tk it was in sec 3. seems like so much fun compared to the bullshit i'm doing nowadays. mebbe itz true. i shd get a life. if i were to pursue wat i wanted, oh, i'd disappoint my family. dont bother abt wat the pros say, tt i can make it big. hahahahha. wat a laff.not tt i realli believed them. no ayu, u wldn't want that, would u? tsk tsk.

dun even mention relationships to me. no 'love' life to spice it up a little. so blah. all i look forward to these days is to sleep my boredom away..oh, and smoking.