fourth oneee...

its about 5.35 p.m as I write this. Btw, nowadays I dun write str8 into the blog..i write it on scraps of paper b4 transferring it into the blog later..

the weather is extremely windy, and i sit at the study table near the window, eating my honey choc muesli bar. i see families running for shelter. its about to rain.

my thoughts are calm at the moment. then the curtain suddenly whips itself across the window and i am denied the oppurtunity to look out, to see whether by chance i would see someone familiar walk past. prince charming, perhaps?

the silence in my room is shattered by the sound of the wrapper being crushed by me. gotta stop writing. need to throw the wrapper before it becomes part of the furniture in my room. now it doesnt seem so dark anymore.

my trail of thoughts are interrupted by a bike. another accident involving one happened in the family again. door from one of the neighbours' slams. i feel the cool air on my skin, wishing now that the weather would be agreaable tomorrow. have plans. i now tie my hair in a ponytail, wondering why it cant grow any faster. need extensions maybe. the times when i was younger..short hair. much like a boy's. when hari raya came, i wore long-sleeved shirts and trousers. unlike other girls who wore lovely dresses with their long flowing hair. maybe that's why i'm quite feminine these days. i dunno. well that happened in my primary school days anyway.

i look at the condo across the road and i wonder, would i ever own a house like that, bigger maybe? IF I worked hard, I would, probably. if, if if and a whole lot of ifs. life sure is full of ifs. neither u nor i know what tomorrow might bring.

the air is still. the house is not quiet anymore, my brother done with his bath. i look around me and i see many things- my computer, my tape recorder which i've long since put to good use, my files and among other things, a huge purple teddy-bear I received for my birthday last year. i miss being in a girls' school. there, nobody cared whether your hair was out of place or you didn't have eyeliner on. nobody thought twice about pulling their blouses from under their pinafores, adjusting them. sitting in an unladylike manner. the tkgs cheer. screaming girls. nobody cared about moribus modestus.

in a blink of an eye i'm now 17, and yet the memories of the first day of school seems like it was just yesterday. being approached by the prefect," excuse me, but you don't need to button this." gesturing towards the first button on my blouse that was denying me of much air. i was a geeky kid, yeah.

i scratch my nose. the room needs dusting. got back most of my voice, thankfully. guess there's not much to say now. barney's loving me in the background. time for a bath.