bila kau tiada

itz hard to breathe when we're apart
u're like sunshine in my heart
i keep you here inside
u've been everything to me
u've been and always will be
the apple of my eye


how do i even begin? how do i even describe what's happening to us now? i cant.


i guess from an outsider's point of view it does look rather superficial and juz being happy for the moment... but we both know the truth behind everything.



if you love me
look into my eyes and say u do
i've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
and baby after all we've been thru
b i'm still in love with you
and i want u to know
i do....i do....

i dont deny there are fights sometimes.... of course there are. tears have flowed, angry words have been spoken... but at the end of the day, we are still together and hopefully we'll make it thru. it will not be easy, we both know that. we are after all humans. but we'll do our best and work hard for our future together. i thank god for having another chance, for not letting go of u...... everything happens for a reason...

n i thank you for being the man you are. itz not easy being with me i noe. but u noe my heart, i trust u with it. love doesnt have to hurt all the time.

it feels like springtime in summer
it feels like christmas in june
it feels like heaven
has opened up its gates for me n u.......

i love you chipmunk. when will i c u again....when does my heart beat again?


and yes, b.... i will. the answer is yes.

aha!

am free today and for the rest of the day, up till 12 at least...then i think we're gonna get to see ronin, afterwhich i head over to toh tuck for lit till abt 530 or so.....

then head down to kallang to meet b.... he wants to go look at handphones..in fact what i'm doing is checking them out now... wonder wat happened to him wanting a 3310... nuts. well actually itz not such a bad idea since his hp drops abt a million times wen he goes into the trails and falls over fallen trunks and what-nots... saw the bruise near the groin area. ugly b. hurts like hell, i can tell.


other than that, not much happened lately, met him twice yest, in the morning and at night... were discussing our plans.... itz tough being like this. patience is the key i guess...but for how long??


still cant put up pics yet... the pc at sch doesnt allow it.


i hope to god that wen we go thru the prelim paper later on it will have sum resemblance to what i wrote on the answer script, otherwise i'm food for the fishes.


seems to be gorging alot of bubble tea now thanks to ayi..... that darling bf of mine sanggup dtg from work juz to go buy bubble tea at my place.. tt's such a sorry excuse..i noe u miss me.lol.


anyway, yupz the trip to escape was boring... me and b took a grand total of 3 rides.... the viking was first...my mum was laughing hysterically at his stupid antics, calling her ibunda n all, the only one screaming on the viking, while i was bopping up and down... second was the minature roller coaster... my boy is so huge tt i had to force his thigh out of the carriage haha..then we took the spiderman kinda ride.... n him being the belo guy tt he is, he was screaming away... nuts.


then while the rest of my family went home, me and ayi bought food at changi village, then had sum bubble tea.. i swear pearls will start appearing on his forehead soon. or i will pull his nose off his face if he begins his takopachi rap again.. ya allah, kenapelah matair aku mcm ni?????????


discussing the engagement......... maybe next year insya'allah kalau takde halangan. just a small majlis je... tak patot membazir.




because you're here for me my heart still beats.......

it will colour your soul like a rainbow....and the colour of love is in u

gue lagi

hey...have a couple of free periods so i tot of putting up an entry...

spent the day with bebeh yest, merepek as always.... thing abt best frens are time never seems to lapse... you simply go on like you've nv been separated, though actually i havent seen her for abt a month, i think ever since i got attached to b..


so yupz, watched gubra with her... ate kfc, then sum more chicken wen auntie came hm...after tt we had ice-cream n had fun spilling it onto her bed.. btw have u changed the sheets yet u biatch?

am actually smsing her as i write this. bebeh says she misses our lepak days... of course babe..with me......... DUH!!!!!!!!


i know i shd have put the pix up but i am a lazy moron so dont blame me....


today shall be meeting b again... i am so looking forward to saturday dear...then we'll get a taste of us as a family... i tot it was nice of mummy to invite u to come along..lepas satu beban kan b, we have parental approval with regards to our relationship. alhamdulilah. hope everything turns out fine on saturday... r u sure u wanna take the bus??? lol. i tot it was ridiculous how my mum kept blushing when u wanted to tok to her on the phone...she absolutely refused to take my hp, behaving rather like a 'blardy teenager' receiving a call from her crush..hehe. oh well.... jganlah ampu bakal mak mertua awak tu byk sgt.... tak sayang matair ke? hehe... actually i do appreciate the efforts u are making to gel with my family... the kids already like u.. :)


pelan2 la b eh kite discuss everything...i hope u'll be patient with me n my perangai sometimes.... insya'allah kalau everything goes well... jadilah. but for now we just spend time really getting to noe each other jela....


as for the rest of my life, itz been tolerable..nothing exciting or watsoeva....


hmmmmm....... prelims next month...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... confidence ayu, confidence! heh.


alrite running out of steam now... more next time.


anyway,

smile

hello peeps.... the time has come again for you to be bored with my entries....

anyway, spent quite a lot of time outside in the last week or so, it being full of holidays.... rather bored now actually..dont intend to stay for lessons since my mind is already on overload...had fun during lit earlier tho...

maybe i should learn to shut up during lessons... but the thing is i find it to be most effextive if i'm actively engaged in the discussions... u can call me step pandai but hey... a levels nanti aku tak rugi.


hmmm...otherwise things have been relatively ok lately..had a big fight couple of days ago with b... but it was settled quickly... it was a good wake-up call to the both of us.. plans are still on :)



was it an unreparable loss, or a long-term gain? i will not know till the time comes.


a lot of things have changed lately, maybe for the better.... to have concrete plans for the future together is yes, abit frightening n overwhelming, but itz for the best..... pray hard n work hard i say. and enjoy urself in the process.


i cant put up the pictures yet, shall get bebeh to do it for me sumtime....


ok beb, saw ur entry.... i wanna watch gubra dari dulu tapi entah ape jadi... can u lend it to me so i can watch it wif b? we keep on watching stupid movies...hehe... n we'll fall asleep halfway thru..


b... since when i did become ur masseuse??? i hired u to be my masseur.... ni dah kurang ajar ni!!!!!!! hehe... lup u la baby... see you later.



frankly, it hasnt been an easy 5 wks for us.... we both had nasty secrets..but itz all in the open now, we forgive, we accept and open a new book. our future together.



b...i think later this week perhaps friday u can cum over, mummy was bz last week. sori. i like the puzzle u made hehe... simple, but thoughtful n sweet... thanks.... n DONT U DARE PUT THE HELMET ON ME THE WRONG WAY AROUND!!!!!!!!!!! not funny b..not funny..


n pls...wear your.... ermmm....hehe.




i know i'll make it thru the miracle of you.

:)

i am seriously a very bad blogger these days, havent been updating much recently.... but life has been rather kind to me these days, sorta....


on the 10th it wld be my one month anniversary so actually itz still the honeymoon period now la, been seeing b practically everyday, not sure whether it'd be the same today lol.. i love u b.



had some serious discussions lately, itz nice to actually think abt OUR future together instead of focusing on oneself and one's needs and wants.. he was telling me abt housing and stuff...am rather relieved tt shd we have jodoh, it wouldnt be a problem...


so, as of today, things are quite fine between us. god willing, we do want to make it really official and hopefully last a lifetime...but we dont want to hope too much..there's where both of us made mistakes previously... just doa and mintak resu mak bapak aje...

we've met each other's mums... so far so good i guess... insya'allah ok la.

itz nice to finally know where we're headed instead of drifting aimlessly, not knowing where we stand, not being sure of anything.....


thank gawd for the holidays this week... yay.


i miss u beb!!!!!!! where have u disappeared to, goheadgostan?????????








because u're here for me my heart still beats.

luper

i forgot to say the most important thing for today......


HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY B!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU....


yup...in spite of the rather shaky beginning we're now quite steady, very happy now, though there are still some unresolved issues involving other people.... we both have dark histories, like u said, we learn from them and apply to our rship now.... we'll make it b insya'allah.

will always remember what happened that night.. was the most romantic and touching incident tt's happened...we'll both remember that night for the rest of our lives i guess.... i'm thankful i've got u in my life b.... finally there's someone i can rely on, someone to wipe my tears, someone to make me laugh....simply someone to love.


ur voice doesnt suck, i like it. will always remember when you sang this song for me, tears streaming down both our faces.... this is your song for me right :)

colour of love - boyz 2 men
I was lonelyI needed someone to see me through
I was at the end of my rope
I needed some one to cut me loose (someone)
Then an angel out of the blue
Gave me the sense that I
Might make it through
And somehow I survived
With no rhyme or reason
And now I know I'll make it
Through the miracle of you

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image of you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and.........

Like a bridge
Over troubled, troubled waters
You stood beside me (stood beside me)
And your love will not falter (your love did not falter)
And then the angel, the angel in you
Gave the strength to know (gave me the strength)
That I will get through
And that's how I survived
Aint no other reason
And now I know I'll make it
Through the miracle of you

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and.......

O....
So girl I wanna thank you
I can't thank you enough
For showing me the meaning
The meaning of true love
When I was lost and so in need
You opened you heart (opened up your heart)
I needed you to comfort me
You opened you arms (opened up your arms)
I couldn't face another day
You said don't be afraid
You showed my heart
Showed me the way........

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image of you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and......



I love you ayi.

update

have not been able to update the blog due to many reasons, but mainly because of laziness....watz new anyway right..


the past 5 days have been beautiful........ i've let my heart be healed and love has been restored, perhaps stronger than before now. i've done thigns i never wanted to do, but now i see it from a different perspective.




wateva it is... b i love you.

let's both pray and work hard at our relationship....