twenty four

am having trouble sending the blardy pictures.

y y y y y y

lately have been surprised wif what sum ppl have said to me. kinda ridiculous the stuff that's gg on in their heads.

am now oficially a no-lifer. go to school, come home, sleep, wake up, do abit of work, sleep. next day, same routine.


think this cycle will continue till the end of the year. gawd hope not. yawn. have three free periods, having breakfast with koh. will probably puke it all out on her if she's not careful.

otherwise nothing much to report so signing out.

back

nothing to update reali. binan trip was tiring, was sick on the second night onwards so skipped the last day's activities and was asleep the whole day at the spa area.

not feeling 100 % fit yet, still coughing a little. as for my personal life, itz confusing. the more i try to make some sense out of it, the more blurry it becomes.

oh well. wait and see.

nine

panic panic panic........ arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... have been in my own world lately so feeling left out now tt fingers have been snapping me back to reality. like for example, the fact that i'm a horrible packer. a horrible last-minute packer... and itz even worse considering the fact tt i'd probably fall asleep almost as soon as i step into the houz tonight. ( note: end at 515 last 2 periods PE)

otherwise everyone is pretty hyped up. hope it wont be a disappointment. if u go with the right ppl even a trip to the loo will be fun. okay that seems so wrong. heh.


went out with pah yesterday, old fren of mine...since sec 1 ...she's still the same moronic bitch, still the same pah tt i love...things have not changed much..u noe, with sum ppl even if u dont see them for a pretty long time, once u meet everything falls in place nicely.... but others, if u see them everyday u have to really wring out words to say to them.

anyway met hanafi yesterday wen i was practically running ( without taped foot. ouch ) to the mrt station coz pah had been waiting for me.. then msged him at night..nice guy.

tmr morning will be lugging a huge bag to school... i will look ridiculous so gawd help me. sure gonna get sum stares.

anyway, will update more when i get back hopefully. ciao bebeh.

eight

hey....... wasup wif me? ans : nothing

have not done anythng spectacular or worth mentioning. juz being a gd girl being cooped up at home getting fat. think i might go shooping in the evening, need to get some essentials for the trip. i wonder watz the problem wif everyone. or izzit me?

oh wat the heck. dowan to be a people-pleaser when at the end of the day i'm not happy myself. i only have lessons for the first and last period so free now la. boring mcm ank tertdo kat sini. thinking of changing my number. maybe in june. and i need a new group of frens, think i need to start all over again. such a pity to have to do tt since the other guys r so nice, but because my ex is there i dont feel very comfortable. not my fault, i tried to tok but dunno wat he's so pissed abt. eh grow up la.

i'm taking things easy for now, no dating, juz spending time with myself and my family, catching up on sleep and actually i realised tt i'm happier now without the unnecessary realationship troubles. well not thinking of it for now la, but if it happens it happens...not on the rebound anyway, tt relationship was bound to fail, lots of reasons y and i dunno y i went ahead anyway.

hello world.

six

nothing much to update partly because i've been cooped up at home. spent the weekend cleaning up the houz, yesterday mopped rumah...jadi maid aku.

today supposed to go out wif bebeh, but stupid me, tak pernah free so i hope tmr's ok..... should be coz we're pushing up the lessons... got my foot taped. buat hal lagi la. could only manage abt 3 rounds, lepas tu da tak tahan. weak ah. nvm last yr lepas tu can be a fat slob. actually living up to tt even now. heh.

i'm actually happy now. happy being single and not being in contact wif a single guy...my life seems so simple and uncomplicated. of course it doesnt beat being in love but wen it starts to crumble.......... i dont miss tt at all.


going away on friday... hope it'll be fun. yawn.

three three

i think you dont understand. i dont think i shall force u to, someday u will understand y i did the things i did... anyway, this came up on frenster, tot i'd steal it. i've got my two cents' worth to say abt it so may as well put it here la. btw bebeh, be strong. i love you and you love me, we have each other for now.. n i think guys can go rot in hell for the moment.

A boy and a girl, the best of friends. From elementary to high school from beginning to end. Through all those years their friendship grew. They both felt the same, but neither knew. Each waking moment since the day they met. They both loved each other sunrise to sunset. He was all she had in her terrible life. He was the one who kept her from her knife. She was his angel, she made him smile. Though life threw him curves, she made it all worth while. Then one day things went terribly wrong. The next few weeks were like a very sad song. He made her jealous on purpose he tried. When the girl asked, "Do you love her?" on purpose he lied. He played with jealousy like it was a game. Little did he know Things would never be the same. His plan was working but he had no clue. How wrong things would go, the damage he would do. One night she broke down, feeling very alone. Just her and the blade, no one else home. She dialed his number, he answered, "Hello" She told him she loved him and hung up the phone. He raced to her house just a minute too late. Found her lying in blood, her heart had no rate. Beside her was a note, in it her confession. Her love for this boy, her only obsession. As he read the note, he knelt down and cried. Grabbed her knife, that night they both died. She was found in his arms, both of them dead. Under her note his handwriting said: "I loved her so, she never knew. All this time I loved her too."




guess there are lotsa differences between us... but seriously, nobody would want to take away their own life for the fun of it. i wouldnt. but i did try........ why?

it happened a long time ago, and again recently, involving different ppl( the bf obviously). after the first time, i thought to myself... NEVER AGAIN. it was hell being in hospital having those painful things stuck in ur veins and being woken up at 3 in the morning by policemen, eating charcoal..... the emotional scars are still there today. but it happened again, and this time it was much worse because i was ashamed of myself, i let myself be hurt, i gave my heart and let it be shredded to pieces again. n i loved him, at least it felt like love but now i'm not so sure anymore. but i'm sure about the first one. maybe i cant handle relationships very well...... idealistic someone used to say.

itz not that i dont care abt u...i care too much. i dont show it because i'm scared of getting hurt again but it happened anyway.

oh well. i'm not looking for love. just hope that the next one, whoeva he is wont let these things happen again... nabil i'm sorry i wasnt gd to u, thanks for everything. i know u're still mad.... i'm sorry i havent contacted u for a week but someday i hope u'll understand ayu. if i ever c u again.