twenty-second august

sigh...where do i start... i guess there's not much to say nowadays... maybe everything's that happened lately is for the best.. i'm seriously screwed up.

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bercinta dan putus pula

yet the past five weeks have been the happiest i've been in ages. i told him that as long as i know he loves me, it would suffice... but i am lying. i'm such a selfish person. i guess that's why i have to go away. there can never be love in friendship and the way i'm loving him, i guess it's kinda impossible for us to be just friends. how can i, knowing i will never have my hand in his. and yet the knowledge of never hearing his voice, feeling his touch is absolutely grating my heart. the wound from the past hasnt even healed fully yet and now another one has appeared. am i jinxed or something?

i'm so dunb to think for even a single moment that he will choose me. i guess i can never give him what she can. i hope one day the tears that are still falling even as i write this will stop falling. and i will learn to love another person again. but the truth is, i really love him. a lot. and it hurts. y shd people meet, fall in love and then not be able to be together? star-crossed lovers.

i am thinking of you
in my sleepless solitude tonight
if itz wrong to love you
then my heart just wont let me be right
coz i've drowned in you
and i wont pull through
without you by my side

these are some of the smses i wish to immortalise here. because i love him. then, now, and forever.

1st aug : yup yup. good enough to eat. just afraid it'll make me diabetic. you're extra sweet you know.
ah.....do you know that to me you are pretty.

4th aug: a la so boring cant meet you. ok ah next time you sing live for me so i can continue to live. ha ha

a la main main pun tak boleh. I LOVE YOU!

yup i do mean it. i feel very happy when i message you or see you:) but on the phone its tough to talk

i just hope you will be happy in you studies and things you do in life really. i wish i never hurt you or made you cry a single tear.

i really do like you. i swear i do. however everything sucks coz its impossible! I really hate it!
i don know. don cry over me k. i am never worth it. i suck i know.

ayu no! this was never a bet! i walked with you at the bridge remember. then i knew then i liked you. things happened. do you think its advisable to continue?

5th aug : it does not make me happy. but there is no other way. is there any other way dear? please tell me cos i really wanna noe..

no i don regret it. i feel happy though. at least i had a chance to tell you how i feel.

hey are you ok? can u jus relax? pls hate me dump me whatever. stop feeling miserable darling. i hope i can cal you darling forever.

I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU. IF TIME WERE REVERSED I WOULD FALL IN LVE WITH YOU ALL OVER AGAIN.

6th aug : yup and i still mean what i say now. i do love you. just that when you ask me i have to deny. i don wan you to think i fall in love easily. you are special.

7th aug : who says we have to be together for now? why cant we be two people in love?

thank you for saying that. i love you too so so so so much.... you know i feel like crying too cos we cant be together... =(

8th aug : i seriously hope you feel that i am worth all the trouble you are going through.. i sincerely do hope something will come out of this relationship.

9th aug : i dreamt that you scolded me for drinking your lemon tea in school... but in that dream you were my girlfriend =)

ayu its not that i don care or am not jealous. i am pretending not to be. i am just trying to give you a fair chance that's all.i love you too....

15 th aug : why are you so nice and want to sacrifice for me? is there any way i can sacrifice for you too?

19th aug : yay! i don care if people see... as long as i get to see you tomorrow apa nak jadi jadi ah.

21 aug : yes i do very much. but this is simply not feasible. it will never work out. better stop it sooner than later.

it means that i love you but don wan to take it further cos it will only hurt us.

22 aug : whatever for? i would be lying. we are simply a case where we love each other but cant be with each other thats all.



and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of my love story. but it doesnt mean its the end of my love for him... and hopefully, his love for me too.. i love you baby. always.