3rd oct - post written 1.09pm

i've deleted more than a yr's worth of writing...anyway its juz a whole lot of whining, i cringe reading it myself.

woke up today with the sore throat totally gone. so yay to that. had only four hours of sleep though, finally dozed off at 8plus this morning. if i sleep any longer i'd sleep at an obsccene hour later.

it's almost monday again. 26 more days to go before i fly off. Its a much needed break from everything. pretty sure i'd feel like never coming home. a respite from being an employee, a sister,a friend... lettng loose and simply being 23. Shidah's really excited, she's reading up and all. I'll leave that to her, I kinda relish the hint of spontaneity in the trip.

The last time i met shidah we had a good long conversation about our past. it made me think. like how if i hadnt waited and had been a tad more selfish i'd probably have my degree in something or other. but things are this way for a reason. we thought back to the times when everything was perfect for us, when we took things for granted before it crashed into a million pieces right before our eyes. We both admitted we were probably quite horrible people, certainly our exes weren't totally at fault. hell, we both have pretty strong characters and are quite opinionated. on hindsight, i wasnt ready to get married at 19 when he proposed. shidah and me, the last few years really made us grow up really fast. for me personally, with what was going on at home then and even now, i got shaped pretty fast and i knew what i could tolerate and what i couldnt. dishonesty clearly not.

so anyways, ya, we'r both really psyched about the trip simply because we are in need of an escape. a timely one too. i'm not sure what my emotional state will be then, what would have become of u. so irregardless, it's a more than welcome change.

Shidah asked me a very good question as we were walking about at Suntec on Friday - what can you do and what cant you do? What are you scared of? I can swim, but i cant get into swimming pools or the sea. I'm scared of heights. I'm scared of drains. I'm scared of alarm clocks and mobiles. I cant cycle. I know shidah cant either. haha! I'm scared of animals. But not cockroaches. My answers will probably evoke laughter or slaps on foreheads, but ya, this is me. lol. The list is probably much longer but off the top of my head, this seems to be it.

Lately, besides yearning to write (ive always done exceptionally well in languages esp english but i am absolutely horrible at math! 1 of 2 students in tkg who failed ELEMENTARY math. terok!) I've been lamenting about the days when i used to sing. Very long ago, but they were good days. One of the few things I feel that I'm really good at. I think I just have a feel for it. haha. obviously, being such an emotional person.

i'm trying to slim down again. ive put on weight since i started working, am about 46-47 now. i wanna get back down to 45 by the end of the month coz i'm sure i'm gonna put on weifght while abroad. i've been smoking very little these days due to my job and also trying to take a little more care of myself. so the appetite's been better. need to watch the scales, cant afford to balloon up like a whale again. i dont have the luxury of a crazily high metabolic rate like i did in my teens. the things i take for granted :)

i need to get a few good books into my system soon. i'm really restless when i'm at home and books settle me down. escapism at its finest.