black

oh well. what can i say. over.

s-i-n-g-l-e


kinda blank about it now but sometimes i find myself tearing up easily about the most trivial matters.

comes with the whole situation la, but still quite overwhelming, seems a a tornado just ran through my brain my heart my life and uncovered all these things, pain that i thought should have healed but i guess not. they're raw and bleeding again.


my bad probably. should not give my heart to anyone else for the time being. but who am i to say.

woooopsie

itz my fault.... i had him but i didnt appreciate him....n now he's almost gone. but i will do whatever i can to convince him i never intended to treat him or the relationship lightly... itz not that i dont care...i do, very much.. i juz didnt noe how to show it.



but now i do. if u'd give me another chance to prove it.

enough is enough

think that's enough songs for today.

to tell you the truth i'm a little overwhelmed by everything... they invited me to a gig today but dont think i can make it. sorry guys.

i wish i could say i'm very happy now but i'd be lying. things are a lot better now undeniably, but there are still some things bothering me. well, you cant please everyone *shrug*

my break is almost over. shall be getting money over the weekend hopefully. so on monday taklah kering sangat... dotn think i need to buy anything urgently so the money shall go towards spending time with baby while we can still meet up often.

he takes really good care of me, i'm amazed. i think coz i'm used to doing stuff on my own and not really bothering about myself, so it comes as a big surprise how concerned he is about me. the good thing about him is he knows when to be serious. but he cracks me up anyway. heh. there are still some issues that we need to work out but i dont know, i foresee this as a long-term comitment. itz still early but we're both working on our relationship. we've got major exams this year so we're taking things but i dont think that's a good reason to neglect each other.

what do i like about him.....

his smile
the way he kisses me
how he feels
how he tastes
his hugs
his humour
when he wipes my tears
balance between friends and me
selflessness
independent yet manja
honesty

and what i like is we're growing to love each other. no hurry, no rush, there's respect and communication is getting better everyday. just cut down on your smoking la dear. i'm trying too.

told ya i'm free...too free maybe

alahai...looking for songs that the guys keep singing...coz my brain is infested with those songs right now. shooo!!!!


RADJA - JUJUR

Duhai kekasih pujaan hatiku
dapatkah kau memberiku satu arti
sedikit rasa yang bisa ku mengerti
bukan sumpah atau janji
buktikanlah bila kau ada cinta
setulus hatimu bisa menerima
sebatas kejujuran yang kau miliki
bukan sekedar bersama

jujurlah padaku bila kau tak lagi cinta
tinggalkanlah aku bila tak mungkin bersama
jauhi diriku
lupakanlah aku

jujurlah padaku
bila kau tak lagi suka
tinggalkanlah aku bila tak mungkin bersama
jauhi diriku lupakanlah aku
selamanya


gawd help me.


i want to hold your hand - beatles

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.
Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand.
Now let me hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.
And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my loveI can't hide,
I can't hide,
I can't hide.
Yeah, you've got that something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.
And when I touch you
I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide,
I can't hide,
I can't hide.
Yeh, you've got that something,
I think you'll understand.
When I'll feel that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

yes darling i understand perfectly what you're saying. Now can you please stop dancing with the broom :)

i'm freeeeee

got nothing to do for the next two periods so i shall flood my blog with stupid entries.. bear with me. heh.

cake - i will survive

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you’d done me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along
So now you’re back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
Without the look upon your face
I should have changed my f-ing lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d be back to bother me
Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love
I know I’ll be alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah
It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I’m trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I’m not that stupid little person still in love with you
And so you thought you’d just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I’m saving all my loving
For someone who’s loving me

and so now the new song is ( courtesy of my baby ) :

Radja - takkan melupakan mu

Oh terindah, lagu yg terindah

Sengaja aku cipta untukmu yg terindah

Semoga dapat meluluhkan segala keraguan

Semoga dapat menghancurkan kerasnya batu prasangka

Aku takkan melupakanmu

Takkan meninggalkanmu

Takkan menduakan cintamu,ku bersumpah

Aku tak ingin mengingkar janji

Tak ingin menjadi duri

Tak ingin menjadi api cinta yg membara
Rebahlah kau di pelukku

Lepaskan resahmu

Bebaskan jiwamu

Dari prasangka-prasangka burukmu

Dari kerasnya batu curiga

Aku takkan melupakanmu

Takkan meninggalkanmu

Takkan menduakan cintamu, ku bersumpah

Aku tak ingin mengingkar janji

Tak ingin menjadi duri

Tak ingin menjadi api cinta yg membara
Senyuman melati

Sambutlah mentari

Raihlah cintamu

Hari ini

weird stuff happening lately. nvm, nice and slow........

seventeenth

well... yesterday wasnt a good day for me. wasnt feeling well. still not reali very good now but much better than yesterday.

last night was okay, not much happening. think i'm meeting him again today, sooner or later just show to mami la, easy... so he doesnt hafta keep sitting at the void deck. heh. poor baby.

i noe wat ur weakness is!!!!!!!!!



anyway, i miss uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.


u better stop pinching me ah.

haus aku

so much has happened since i last posted an entry.... to keep u up-to-date on my life...welllllll if u're meant to know what recently happened u would have known la...


ala me damn worried now. hope u get better soon baby.... make sure u eat ur medicine.. should be taking care of urself instead about worrying abt me.

but i do appreciate everything u've done for me, i realli do.. kesian you jalan all the way back from pasir ris. tt's y i cried btw.. felt so guilty.. u batok darah lagi.


baby... i'm so thankful we found each other. i know there are lotsa differences between us and some ppl might think itz odd and repulsive, but i hope we can make it thru.

thank you for loving me dear. awwwww.... maybe today shall go to ur place to see how u are.

miss you laling.

u make me a very happy woman.

n i know u like being thirsty.

seven times darling.... tsk tsk tsk.



oh n i dont know
i dont know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if i could hold on
thru the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful
or just a beautiful disaster




aku tak akan meninggalkanmu
tak akan menduakan cintamu
ku bersumpah


last night i realised without really meaning to, i've become serious. abt u. abt us. i think i might love you too. when i think back, sometimes i feel like i really deserve someone like you, after all the crap tt's happened over the past few years. but sometimes i cant believe u're mine. but u are..... and i'm yours.

i'll always be your valentine, sweetheart.

blank

juz finished the cny celebrations so ya, bored and sleepy now. feel like gg out but dunno hu to ask. well actually there's someone i wanna go out with but after wat happened yesterday, dont feel like it anymore. not really anyone's fault la.

nothing much to write. yesterday cik mail meninggal so i didnt go to sch. right now i'm feeling detached from the world, from sch n everything....


hope we figure out something soon. things dont feel too good right now, doubt they'll get better. oh well.

waste of time

three words. i hate u.



that pretty much sums op my feelings for today, ladies and gentlemen. show's over. hope you had fun.

hyuk hyuk

well well well..... seems like i've gotten a new post today... anyways, not much today, escaped from doing a presentation...... but we end at 515.. argh.

am blanking out. maybe too much intellectual stimulation till i cant think of mundane stuff.. does that make sense? heh. helmy is late. betta get his butt down here soon.... i dont have much work today except for an sbq so thank gawd. working tmr. sigh.


how come when i really wanna write something only these kinda stuff appears?


realli hope my pc and braodband will be done soon.. but knowing my mom.... fat hope.

and then there were 2...or izzit 3????

hehehehe....decided to have a more laid-back atttitude this year..tt means no more being uptight n no more bothering abt whether ppl r gonna be pissed abt ayu buat ni, ayu buat tu..... cant please them all... i've only found that out at the grand age of 19. well soon la... thinking of doing sumtg this yr but my stingy mom wont sponsor it. sigh. see how la. anyway, she's paid the 700 bucks. phew. at least i dont hafta worry bout tt anymore. makes me age about oh... 5 years juz remembering it.

so now me must get job and work hard. for meself, if not anyone else. because me know deep down me is spoilt brat. o yes. and that spoilt brat is threatening to reemerge.

and me no longer have to hide me cigarettes and lighter because me mom knows. as in for sure. she cant put me in a girls' home unfortunately. itz legal. heh. but i shall be a 'respectful' girl and not do it where those eagle eyes are roaming. mouths...tsk tsk tsk.

macam mana masyarakat melayu nak maju kalau benda yang remeh-temeh dibesarkan, tapi benda yang berat yang berlaku depan mata kepala dorang dibiarkan?

i noe itz not nice for a girl to smoke. well change your mindset. just because i have a cigarette in my hand and i dont cover myself from head to toe, it doesnt mean i'm any worse than any of you. pokok pangkal diri sendiri, ada batasan lah to whatever i do.

so you mind yor limits too. coz i'm not the timid girl i was before. and i'm not stupid.


but yupz life is fine..glad that most issues have already been cleared up, i find it easier to wake up and face what's to come. so far in the past few weeks of sch, i've been absent once and late once. that's all. and the absence was really a genuine out-of-my-control thing whereas the latecoming was on the first day.. so far so good. let's hope nothing crops up and things stay as they are.


and certain people....well....sungguh mengecewakan. totally disappointing.

poooooopooooppppooot

hehehehehe. monkey business going on..

anyways, maybe i should explain the lack of updates lately... my pc is spoilt, so we terminated the dial-up shit.... so till it gets repaired and my mum gets broadband i'm afraid this will be as often as my updates get.


but honestly, wats there to update? nothing much happening except yesterday someone ruffled a few feathers. Mine. ewww....that seems so wrong.


other than that everything's fine, everyone seems to be dying from the workload that we've got. i'm sure the next 10 mths or so would fly by and the next thing i know i'm just a jobless person wondering in orchard rd fagging.


that seems like a nicer picture compared to what's currently happening right now. swaps anyone?????

and i dont like wateva's happening. i dont like it one bit. not because of the outcome, i mean that part is at least something i can live with...but itz just the hypocrisy and lying that's really a turn-off.


bottom life : i need to get a life

but then i hear it call my name

three free periods...two now coz i dont take econs and one later after gp i think... am aching all over from yesterday's torture session... but after tt it felt good i hafta admit.. except me and ain ( or siti ) looked a bit idiotic trying to look dignified while we walked down the steps like heavily pregnant women.. tt notti girl ended up not buying it. but i dont blame her...wonen, fickle-minded beings.. lol,. not tt i've never been tt before. anyways, nothing much happened lately, i'm starting to feel rather intelligent, and rightly too since i've got ard 10 months more before i face the devil. n no bebeh itz not u i'm toking abt..lol.. when r u gg to show me ur boyfren so i can give him my stamp of approval???????? i'm ur best fren u noe... hehe. nolah, u've got the thumbs up. u noe i dont like interfering in stuff like tt. i've got enough personal baggage to last a lifetime as it is.

promoted to vp this year. so far havent been doing anything tt needs some power-wielding coz there's been no news watsoeva. not really looking forward to activities. i'm just focusing on getting my ass out of this school with grades enough to get me somewhere. as for singing, as in properly...DONT TOK TO ME ABT IT. i've decided to shelf those tots till i'm REALI able to do so w/o having any guilt. wonder when tho.


i wanna see the raye pics. forgot to ask ana. hopefully ic an get some n then i can post it here. my camera is spoilt. blardy hell.

kla enough of blabbering. n let me tell u a secret........itz over. maybe itz betta tt way.

sorry hor

long time nv come here.... anyways...me at bebeh's place now... tmr there's sch!!!!!! argh..there goes my lounging ard at home doing nothing and getting fat days... sigh. but i guess at least now i'll be occupied with something la..so...yupz... nothing much to update realli so bubbye

weeeeee

i'm back after gawd noes how many eons..tmr is the last day of project work then i shall be free from all these bringers of misfortune and boredom...yux. did i say i was bored? dont reali wanna see ppl from sch any more than i hafta... dont ask me y because if u were supposed to noe u wld have already.

and as for my personal life...my lips are sealed....


cant believe i'm in sch during the hols. groan.

bored

i dont know how to define this but it is kept safely under wraps until it's safe to be told.

gawd, miss hanging out..havent been out at all since the promos started. oya wonder what arif wants to say to me. scary, he said he's holding it back coz he doesnt want it to affect my grades. shall ask him later.

fairytales..................beauty and the beast..hehe, remember doing tt song wif debz during the busking season wif debz and the seniors in tkgs a few yrs ago. then nuha did the balcony scene of romeo n juliet. itz a bit scary doing stuff in a girls' school but i still miss those days though.


i bump into my classmates once in awhile while i'm out but our worlds have totally changed, not much to say.

but my bebeh and me still keeping things up. duh, best frens mah. juz laz nyt i toked to her. havent seen her for a month. maybe next wk we can go break fast together and drive geylang while. ewwww. what a disgusting thought.


today shall be a fun day with lots of shopping i hope. retail therapy is GOOD.

cant believe i'm still in school. yux.

fairytale

i like fairytales. dont u?



"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
ou should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you






and itz also because of you that i now recognise true love, friendship. and i learnt that tongues wont stop yakking until their hearts do. and by then the pain, itz irreversible.

woitttt

aloo aloo... lame cek tak datang sini... hehe exams finally over, now on a brilliant saturday morning when i should spend the day luxuriating in bed or going out, i am slaving away at the computer doing the bloody project work stuff... going to geylang later, finally.

i am happy now. very very very happy. but im not getting my hopes up.


as for the exams, SIGH. i dont care what i get, as long as it gets me to yr 3 i'm awfully glad ( meaning i get to leave this darling school asap)

i feel bad eating at 1015. but cant help it lah, hungry. aku takleh puase la. so i'm hiding in a corner of the com lab now...just finished doing work and waiting for aisyah to get her things done then i'm off....

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooney. mad. haha. but i like it that way.


shite i'm losing it. but havent been this contented with life for a loooooooong time. raya pon da nak dekat. though i'm kinda blah about it, this year it will be different for me. a whole new meaning. yay.

i promise you wont regret it. one of the best things that's happened to me.



H-a-p-p-y. and no one's gonna take it away from me this time. no one is gonna deny me the one thing that i want.

cepatttt

i've got 5 min to do this so it has to be fast...anyway, itz bar's bdae today..happy bdae moo...you idiot. dont ask me y i call him tt..anyway me in the com lab now, takde melayu..... feel so refreshed..ain beside me keeps saying she smells nice ( coz we juz had a bath)

anyway...tmr and sat me gg out yippeeeeeeeeeeee.... ah ye abis promos hancur

lol. ciao

i work hard for the monehhhhh

beb, what to get for your bdae ah..... nvm dont tell me i shall figure out sumtg...what if i dont come on the 24th? :P

anyway...damn exam season sekarang..both me and my student. get it over and done with...man i'm famished.... eh girl, must i break an arm before i can see you? must get admitted to the hospital baru nampak batang hidung kau agaknya... anyway, come and stay over at my place on that day la.... hmmzzz...persuade ur dad...

aku mcm kemaruk gambar eh..haha. aku malas nak arrange lawa2 la.. tengok je eh. gambar ni latest, last mth. yg selenge kat atas tu da lame jugak.






so yupzz.... that's me and my younger sis on my bdae in may..i like the pic :)