went to town after all.. watching erin brockovich soon. i'm damn pissed. dunno with whom or what. but when i get pissed i do stupid stuf. like toking to people i dont give a damn about. to fill in the void in my life. then i think, what the hell am i trying to do. then i remember what i sought out to do and it gets clear again. for a while.

i'm hungry. i never eat proper meals now, juz tiny portions of food when i want to. cant finish a plate of food anymore. think i lost 2 kg. not think, i KNOW. ok.. damn bored. damn pissed. fed-up. get the picture. now i'm the one pretending. well life is after all a stage and all the men and women merely players.....

just wish it doesnt hafta be this way. but like i said, i dont have a choice. because although i'm willing to give up everything to give us a shot, he doesnt bloody care. which i already knew since the start but i keep looking at him thru rose-tinted glasses, even blindly at times. n i still care. what an absolute idiot.