twenty-seventh january

itz kinda funny sometimes when you think everything's over....then you realise that things have barely scratched the surface of what's to come. N sometimes u know that what you're doing is so wrong but somehow it feels like its the most right thing you've ever done. N falling in love is one of those things that come under that category. I'm not talking abt the repercussions here of course. Syaqir once told me not to let love be my weakness, let it only be my strength. Frankly speaking i'm a little confused about what's happening. But i guess the root of the matter was when people started to want to cook the broth too......

initially it was amusing but lately its making me hot and bothered. i thought the days when i'd cry myself to sleep were over but i guess i'm wrong. In the end i always blame it all on him. I dont usually mean it but it always happens. To tell you the truth i'm very tired from all this so two words to people who arent in this: BUZZ OFF! ( READ: THAT MEANS EVRYONE EXCEPT FOR ME N HIM)


I have practice over the weekend and the whole of next week. They told me i always look fierce.....what can i do? i look fierce and arrogant but i'm really this crazy nut who's juz passionate abt performing n doesnt want the team to be laughed at, that's all. Is that so wrong, for me to want us to look good on stage? I'm being lenient as it is, not asking them to sing one by one, not asking them to project their voices from one end of the outdoor court to the other...... But that's how i managed to get this good... ( which is still pathetic by my own standards) you reap what you sow. I'm not asking for perfection, though i'm a perfectionist when it comes to singing but i was hoping they would put in more effort. Why do something half-heartedly? I'd rather they scrap the whole thing. Ok, diva-esque attitude coming thru here but if u wanna put up a good show then u gotta work right? which is why i find hanging out with the year 3 guys so much more gerek these days.. they're frank and they wont bitch.Yesterday me, arif, mul, suhuf, n rajiv were lepaking at tampines after practice. thank gawd for suhuf and rajiv who came to my rescue by agreeing to join. muahahaha, they were asking me to go skool wif azar since we both stay in sengkang...ya right. we havent even talked b4. that will be the day when i date someone frm my campus...hehehe.i dont like the guys from my batch. they are too concerned with wantin to look cool n wouldnt be caught dead joining something like this. the yr 3 guys r much much more helpful in that sense. nice to tok to oso the fellas. they told me grandmother stories abt ppl in skool n stuf...n wat happened b4 i came in.... damn, nxt yr organising anything will be difficult when they leave. i used to think they were damn stuck up idiots. oops. sorry.


n abt endy, azmi n the rest....... the best thing for me to do is to ignore them right? how dumb but it did not occur to me.


kumasih jua seperti dulu
putaran waktu tak merubah hatiku
terhadapmu..........
sayang
sesungguhnya kutahu
bukan mudah bagimu
semua yang berlaku
akan mengujimu
mengujiku
apa terjadi
usah ragui
hati ini.....
Usah ragui........

doubting someone's love for u is a difficult phase, especially when the honeymoon period is over...some days u wake up n question is all this true or a horrible lie? so u ask ur other half again maybe for the hundredth time. the answer usually remains the same but u still wonder is that really the truth.. initially i'd just take it as it is but now that we've had some sobering experiences i tend to question more. and today i did something but i dunno whether it was the right thing to do or not. i should just involve myself more deeply in the performances and see whether the knots in my personal life will unravel themselves. as bebeh says, breathe in, breathe out. we've been thru worse.

quote given to me by bebeh, dunno where the hell she got it from though : " cinta itu bukan satu pertarungan, bukan sekadar angan-angan, bukan suatu mainan....ianya suci, jadi janganlah takut jatuh cinta.."

i think itz not takut jatuh cinta..more like takut that u'll fall out of love... so u hang on to what's left of it. right now i'm wondering what IS left, n whether there is any point in hanging on to our love or not. wateva it is..........

i love you. a thousand times over.