second january

itz a new year...new start to everything hopefully. i hope i don judge people based on hearsay, n i hope the same goes for me too........ but then again itz hard trying to escape from being toked about... itz like a mini hollywood in school sometimes... try as u hard as u can to escape the 'limelight' but itz kinda futile... anyway, undoubtedly 2004 was a memorable year, albeit a trifle painful.... but i did learn new stuff, i got back into performing (yayayayayay) n i fell in love....woohoo.... lotsa people ask if i regret the whole saga... abt me n ***** lah.... but honestly, i dont. dont get me wrong, itz not like what you think.. but then again only me and ***** know exactly what happened. i dont owe anyone any explanations anyway.. itz our life. anyway u cant choose who u fall in love with...if u could, life would be a lot simpler... BUT BORINGGGGGG!

hey anyone watched sister act 2: back in the habit the other day? i like it coz it kinda voices my thoughts abt singing.

if u wanna be somebody
if u wanna go somewhere
better wake up and pay attention

there's this part in the show where lauryn hill says exactly how i feel abt singing right now.


" I might wanna sing, but it aint gonna happen so watz the point? welcome to the real world sista."

and then there's this part where whoopi goldberg was telling her abt dis writer bla bla... she said sum stuff abt u being a writer if the first thing that u think of when u wake up is writing...... so wen she said that if the first thing u think abt (or do) when u wake up is singing, then u're a singer, it made me feel like....yeah, i should do this man...


and then reality hits me again. n i'm like..u r kidding urself.. u're not even that good. so stop dreaming. it makes me exasperated sometimes... seems like there aint nothing that i can do right. i mean, when i'm a bit older i guess i could be a singer somewhere... but i dont wanna juz sing in some club or hotel. maybe i'm ambitious but i dont settle for mediocre stuff when it comes to singing. it gotta be good. n the fact is that i'm not the sort who can do a desk-bound job. performing has always been my thing. dikir barat kinda introduced me to performing to a larger audience and i'm grateful for that, but i wanna do something on my own.

it kinda sucks lah, everything...... my love life sucks. i'm going nowhere career-wise.. darn. r&b/soul...... will i ever get to hear myself on radio.... i will cry my eyeballs out the day that happens................. i'm really thankful for those who have been supportive of me singing n all..... i hate to let u ppl down but here in singapore i gotta face it, the odds r against me...i dunno, i guess i'll see how things go this year.

i remember i made a promise to myself once that i'd stop drinking if i found someone i truly loved. i've stopped, for many months now. I'll stop smoking if i find that love again, n if my career takes off. i dunno whether it'll happen though. 2005..wait n see.