seventh feb

tomorrow-the chinese new year performance
feelings: aghast that i still dont have my voice at full-horsepower yet.hah.still sound like i've got a pumpkin up my nose
to solve that, i've been drinking honey with warm water (which i hate)..besides being an aphrodisiac, it also soothes the harassed throat. it gets rid of phlegm and the like. ewww.

unless a major miracle occurs tomorrow when i wake up, i shall hafta settle for sounding like a cross between mariah carey and the nanny. of course, it is rather slanting towards the latter. am listening to recordings to the countless competitions i've been to to get into the mood.

shall have an early night's and as usual, panic tomorrow morning when i wake up, trying to find my make-up, iron my clothes. hafta be there by 6.30??? no way in hell, the diva in me says. the diva also insists on being perfect so she is doing the make-up herself and arriving impeccable in a limousine. alas, due to obvious financial setbacks, i will have to settle for a cab. or if i am in a unvelievably good mood i shall even come via bus. bodyguards will of course wait in school to hold back the fans. *wishful thinking to the max here*

sigh. reminds me of 'the bodyguard' whitney houston and kevin costner. don't make me close one more dooooooooor...i dont wanna hurt anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

why the hell am i so suay so as to have to perform in the stinking gym? blardy hell. well, at least i can have better contact with the audience. positive thinking will never desert this diva hopefully... and yeah nanthini...this song is for u.. :)

but what i really wanna do is this 'intimate' kinda concert where there's not much accompaniment. juz me and the microphone and people who appreciate my kind of music. i can just picture it...... man.. i'd die to be able to do that while i still can. and i'll have my guest appearances too of course.

i fell in love with you...before the second show..... dont you remember you told me loved me baby...you said you'll coming back this way again...baby baby baby baby ooohh baby i love you...i really do.



i'm in love with one last. anyone sing it to me i'll faint. n fall in love with that person. hafta admit i have an amazing weakness for guy with good voices. like last year i used to like ( here i emphasise like..i wasnt googoogaga over him) this guy who had a nice voice. i liked my ex-bf coz he could really sing. duh..my vocal coach wat. n his eyes...sigh. nvm. he's like..30 this year. heh. they weren't cute at all...but they juz managed to touch me coz they had this gift that i so wanted to perfect in myself... dunno whether u understand, but that's how it is.

but with my love, or ex-love, however you might see it, it's different. he couldnt sing (as far as i knew), i was a total wreck when he was around, but i dont know..he juz found his way into my heart i guess.. kinda left a permanent mark there too. when i was with him it wasnt like..oooooh i love you so much muah muah muah miss you kiss kiss love you kiss some more. for me at least, it was this quiet knowledge that just seeing this person makes you happy and at one point i just knew that i was in love with him. many people would never understand how it was so but it is true. some people would think maybe coz of the body or something but it wasnt. itz juz... HIM. when he toks crap, when he knows i never mean any hurtful thing i say, when he laughs, when he's being super sweet... it makes me feel warm and loved so i'm really blessed i had that experience, and hopefully someone will bring that joy again to me although who, when and how, i dont know. i'm juz waiting to see what the future has in store for me and hopefully the really painful moments that i had to undergo during that last relationship will be overshadowed... but the memories i will keep, because it was really a fun period of my life albeit painful because of all the obstacles that we eventually succumbed to.


we cannot turn back....we can only turn into one.