happy birthday cik ijah.... last few days have been filled with doing ridiculous stuff that i would never, ever do under other circumstances.... damn. got freaked out pretty bad..but kinda true to some extent. at home alone now. mom went out..later shall head to town if i lose this pemalas haram feeling that i have from head to toe now. there's no food in the house, i dont even have stuff to cook... MUST EAT!!!!! mebbe i'll grab food later while i'm out. IF i'm going out. the song by fantasia barrino is kinda nice.. new one, dunno wat the title is. think it's 'truth is'.
my cousin is getting married on the 3rd of april. there hasnt been a wedding in 10 years since my aunt. she's the first kuz to get married. and get this : they want me to perform. hahahahaha. ayu the wedding singer. how does that sound? muahaha. marriage..... it seems so distant right now. especially today. bebeh knocked some sense into me last night. lemme see whether i still have the message.
bebeh: i think you should tink 1st if u realli can give up on da so called r'ship AND him... dont cheat urself cos it'l juz make it worse.
u see...the thing is i dont have a choice. truth is i havent given up but do i have a choice??????? the only thing to do is deceive myself like i've done b4, telling myself every single day that i dont love him. so forgive me frens if i decline wen u ask me out. i am really occupied with deceiving myself. i'm drilling into my brain: he doesnt love you. geddit in ur stubborn head.
fuck. went swimming for two straight days n u shd see how dark i've become. yucks. whitening lotion will take over as the most important thing in my life. ok..ciao.
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