bila kau tiada

itz hard to breathe when we're apart
u're like sunshine in my heart
i keep you here inside
u've been everything to me
u've been and always will be
the apple of my eye


how do i even begin? how do i even describe what's happening to us now? i cant.


i guess from an outsider's point of view it does look rather superficial and juz being happy for the moment... but we both know the truth behind everything.



if you love me
look into my eyes and say u do
i've been waiting all my life
for someone just like you
and baby after all we've been thru
b i'm still in love with you
and i want u to know
i do....i do....

i dont deny there are fights sometimes.... of course there are. tears have flowed, angry words have been spoken... but at the end of the day, we are still together and hopefully we'll make it thru. it will not be easy, we both know that. we are after all humans. but we'll do our best and work hard for our future together. i thank god for having another chance, for not letting go of u...... everything happens for a reason...

n i thank you for being the man you are. itz not easy being with me i noe. but u noe my heart, i trust u with it. love doesnt have to hurt all the time.

it feels like springtime in summer
it feels like christmas in june
it feels like heaven
has opened up its gates for me n u.......

i love you chipmunk. when will i c u again....when does my heart beat again?


and yes, b.... i will. the answer is yes.

aha!

am free today and for the rest of the day, up till 12 at least...then i think we're gonna get to see ronin, afterwhich i head over to toh tuck for lit till abt 530 or so.....

then head down to kallang to meet b.... he wants to go look at handphones..in fact what i'm doing is checking them out now... wonder wat happened to him wanting a 3310... nuts. well actually itz not such a bad idea since his hp drops abt a million times wen he goes into the trails and falls over fallen trunks and what-nots... saw the bruise near the groin area. ugly b. hurts like hell, i can tell.


other than that, not much happened lately, met him twice yest, in the morning and at night... were discussing our plans.... itz tough being like this. patience is the key i guess...but for how long??


still cant put up pics yet... the pc at sch doesnt allow it.


i hope to god that wen we go thru the prelim paper later on it will have sum resemblance to what i wrote on the answer script, otherwise i'm food for the fishes.


seems to be gorging alot of bubble tea now thanks to ayi..... that darling bf of mine sanggup dtg from work juz to go buy bubble tea at my place.. tt's such a sorry excuse..i noe u miss me.lol.


anyway, yupz the trip to escape was boring... me and b took a grand total of 3 rides.... the viking was first...my mum was laughing hysterically at his stupid antics, calling her ibunda n all, the only one screaming on the viking, while i was bopping up and down... second was the minature roller coaster... my boy is so huge tt i had to force his thigh out of the carriage haha..then we took the spiderman kinda ride.... n him being the belo guy tt he is, he was screaming away... nuts.


then while the rest of my family went home, me and ayi bought food at changi village, then had sum bubble tea.. i swear pearls will start appearing on his forehead soon. or i will pull his nose off his face if he begins his takopachi rap again.. ya allah, kenapelah matair aku mcm ni?????????


discussing the engagement......... maybe next year insya'allah kalau takde halangan. just a small majlis je... tak patot membazir.




because you're here for me my heart still beats.......

it will colour your soul like a rainbow....and the colour of love is in u

gue lagi

hey...have a couple of free periods so i tot of putting up an entry...

spent the day with bebeh yest, merepek as always.... thing abt best frens are time never seems to lapse... you simply go on like you've nv been separated, though actually i havent seen her for abt a month, i think ever since i got attached to b..


so yupz, watched gubra with her... ate kfc, then sum more chicken wen auntie came hm...after tt we had ice-cream n had fun spilling it onto her bed.. btw have u changed the sheets yet u biatch?

am actually smsing her as i write this. bebeh says she misses our lepak days... of course babe..with me......... DUH!!!!!!!!


i know i shd have put the pix up but i am a lazy moron so dont blame me....


today shall be meeting b again... i am so looking forward to saturday dear...then we'll get a taste of us as a family... i tot it was nice of mummy to invite u to come along..lepas satu beban kan b, we have parental approval with regards to our relationship. alhamdulilah. hope everything turns out fine on saturday... r u sure u wanna take the bus??? lol. i tot it was ridiculous how my mum kept blushing when u wanted to tok to her on the phone...she absolutely refused to take my hp, behaving rather like a 'blardy teenager' receiving a call from her crush..hehe. oh well.... jganlah ampu bakal mak mertua awak tu byk sgt.... tak sayang matair ke? hehe... actually i do appreciate the efforts u are making to gel with my family... the kids already like u.. :)


pelan2 la b eh kite discuss everything...i hope u'll be patient with me n my perangai sometimes.... insya'allah kalau everything goes well... jadilah. but for now we just spend time really getting to noe each other jela....


as for the rest of my life, itz been tolerable..nothing exciting or watsoeva....


hmmmmm....... prelims next month...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... confidence ayu, confidence! heh.


alrite running out of steam now... more next time.


anyway,

smile

hello peeps.... the time has come again for you to be bored with my entries....

anyway, spent quite a lot of time outside in the last week or so, it being full of holidays.... rather bored now actually..dont intend to stay for lessons since my mind is already on overload...had fun during lit earlier tho...

maybe i should learn to shut up during lessons... but the thing is i find it to be most effextive if i'm actively engaged in the discussions... u can call me step pandai but hey... a levels nanti aku tak rugi.


hmmm...otherwise things have been relatively ok lately..had a big fight couple of days ago with b... but it was settled quickly... it was a good wake-up call to the both of us.. plans are still on :)



was it an unreparable loss, or a long-term gain? i will not know till the time comes.


a lot of things have changed lately, maybe for the better.... to have concrete plans for the future together is yes, abit frightening n overwhelming, but itz for the best..... pray hard n work hard i say. and enjoy urself in the process.


i cant put up the pictures yet, shall get bebeh to do it for me sumtime....


ok beb, saw ur entry.... i wanna watch gubra dari dulu tapi entah ape jadi... can u lend it to me so i can watch it wif b? we keep on watching stupid movies...hehe... n we'll fall asleep halfway thru..


b... since when i did become ur masseuse??? i hired u to be my masseur.... ni dah kurang ajar ni!!!!!!! hehe... lup u la baby... see you later.



frankly, it hasnt been an easy 5 wks for us.... we both had nasty secrets..but itz all in the open now, we forgive, we accept and open a new book. our future together.



b...i think later this week perhaps friday u can cum over, mummy was bz last week. sori. i like the puzzle u made hehe... simple, but thoughtful n sweet... thanks.... n DONT U DARE PUT THE HELMET ON ME THE WRONG WAY AROUND!!!!!!!!!!! not funny b..not funny..


n pls...wear your.... ermmm....hehe.




i know i'll make it thru the miracle of you.

:)

i am seriously a very bad blogger these days, havent been updating much recently.... but life has been rather kind to me these days, sorta....


on the 10th it wld be my one month anniversary so actually itz still the honeymoon period now la, been seeing b practically everyday, not sure whether it'd be the same today lol.. i love u b.



had some serious discussions lately, itz nice to actually think abt OUR future together instead of focusing on oneself and one's needs and wants.. he was telling me abt housing and stuff...am rather relieved tt shd we have jodoh, it wouldnt be a problem...


so, as of today, things are quite fine between us. god willing, we do want to make it really official and hopefully last a lifetime...but we dont want to hope too much..there's where both of us made mistakes previously... just doa and mintak resu mak bapak aje...

we've met each other's mums... so far so good i guess... insya'allah ok la.

itz nice to finally know where we're headed instead of drifting aimlessly, not knowing where we stand, not being sure of anything.....


thank gawd for the holidays this week... yay.


i miss u beb!!!!!!! where have u disappeared to, goheadgostan?????????








because u're here for me my heart still beats.

luper

i forgot to say the most important thing for today......


HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY B!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU....


yup...in spite of the rather shaky beginning we're now quite steady, very happy now, though there are still some unresolved issues involving other people.... we both have dark histories, like u said, we learn from them and apply to our rship now.... we'll make it b insya'allah.

will always remember what happened that night.. was the most romantic and touching incident tt's happened...we'll both remember that night for the rest of our lives i guess.... i'm thankful i've got u in my life b.... finally there's someone i can rely on, someone to wipe my tears, someone to make me laugh....simply someone to love.


ur voice doesnt suck, i like it. will always remember when you sang this song for me, tears streaming down both our faces.... this is your song for me right :)

colour of love - boyz 2 men
I was lonelyI needed someone to see me through
I was at the end of my rope
I needed some one to cut me loose (someone)
Then an angel out of the blue
Gave me the sense that I
Might make it through
And somehow I survived
With no rhyme or reason
And now I know I'll make it
Through the miracle of you

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image of you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and.........

Like a bridge
Over troubled, troubled waters
You stood beside me (stood beside me)
And your love will not falter (your love did not falter)
And then the angel, the angel in you
Gave the strength to know (gave me the strength)
That I will get through
And that's how I survived
Aint no other reason
And now I know I'll make it
Through the miracle of you

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and.......

O....
So girl I wanna thank you
I can't thank you enough
For showing me the meaning
The meaning of true love
When I was lost and so in need
You opened you heart (opened up your heart)
I needed you to comfort me
You opened you arms (opened up your arms)
I couldn't face another day
You said don't be afraid
You showed my heart
Showed me the way........

I know the color of love
And it lives inside of you
I know the color of truth
It's in the image of you
If it comes from the heart
Then you know that it's true
It will color your soul
Like a rainbow (Like a rainbow)
And the color of love is in you
Colors and colors and......



I love you ayi.

update

have not been able to update the blog due to many reasons, but mainly because of laziness....watz new anyway right..


the past 5 days have been beautiful........ i've let my heart be healed and love has been restored, perhaps stronger than before now. i've done thigns i never wanted to do, but now i see it from a different perspective.




wateva it is... b i love you.

let's both pray and work hard at our relationship....

tulis lagi

have a couple of free periods before p.e so here i am writing my usual rubbish... yesterday had a really good talk with b... tears flowed but at the end of it all i think we both gained something, a lot of things now tt we hafta really think about... clearly the road has never been smooth but effective communication does help alot, especiallty when it comes to touchy issues and painful things... arghhhh... they're stealing the comp must go now

teringat

i told b i would write something abotu last weekend so i will do it now.....



laz weekend i was with b at bedok reservoir.... were both juz spending quality time with each other when something happened, shall not say what but it shocked me to tears.... rather deja vu-ish really.... so yes, i started crying then b was like

b, pls dont cry...i cant c u like this... i dont want to see you cry. kite tak terbayar airmata awak... (i actually had the cheek to retort kite tk suruh awak bayar pon! while crying)

then he hugged me from behind..... after tt he kneeled in front of me n asked for my forgiveness. b kate kalau kite tk nk maafkan pon takpe asalkan i stop crying...i started crying even more actually.... then he hugged me again and after awhile i realised he was crying too.... he told me his feelings and i was incredibly touched... so yup, i stopped crossing my arms, touched his face and the rest is history.


i realised i had feelings for him then.

:)

hey.... this is a rare oppurtunity to update my blog... dont have much to say realli, except tt i was at ecp with b again last night. yest was a damn bad day for both of us, we both got hurt saying mean things to each other....

and i couldnt receive his usual calls in the morning when he wakes up coz my batt is flat.... still is right now so when i get back i suppose there'll be a flood of messages from him. i am quite contrite right now, i did say some stupid things, i usually do in a fit of anger...but b u hurt me too.


wateva it is i hope all is forgiven, takde lautan yang tak bergolora kan b.... this should juz be a painful but good reminder for us to keep our rship strong.....



i miss u b...... i'm sorry u had to rush back from work to meet me then have the night end with hurt and anger.... i'm thankful tt u were honest abt ur feelings, i'm grateful tt u are what u are..... i dont need to find a better looking or richer guy, he mght not be able to make me as happy as u can. today i shall aim to be a better person for u n me.



ok...should stop all this mushiness..... cant help it la. yesterday was a bad bad day.. sigh. we need to really be in tune with each other's feelings i guess.



have school till 430, itz only abt 12+ now and i'm dying. i miss my b, despite all the fights and tears.... insya'allah kite ade jodoh eh b. :)

wah dah lawa seeeeeehhhhhhh

haha... have not been able to get anything up on my blog for some time...quite a big lapse i think.... well nothing much happening la, juz spent my days with my b.... though itz difficult with the totally effed up schedules tt we both have. cant wait to start working, independence shall be mine then.....

where have i been with baby lately.... hmmmm... there was one funny weekend where we went to these places in abt 30 hrs... yup, stinko us tak mandi semalaman.... haha. we went mount faber (twice), ecp, bugis, town, mustaffa centre (twice), gateway building to rectify some problems hehe, i think i missed out some more... all said and done, it was gerek..

and abt 2 nights ago went to night safari with him...b, i do not appreciate u laughing at me. bats r NOT anything remotely funny. so wat if they've got superb senses and wont go banging into me???


anyway, cant meet up much anymore coz of him doing a lot of ot and me being more-or-less grounded. i quite deserve it la actually. havent been home till after midnight for many many days.... thank gawd b has a bike or we'll die from taxi-fare syndrome.


anyway i miss my bebeh...beb, we should meet up soon....


other than that i am a happy woman. itz amazing the things that happen when u least expect them....

so.....

shall i give the full story..... well i dont think so la. shd like it to be our little secret.


well anyway really am feeling good lately. seems like all that waiting really paid off.


i saw the school counsellor juz now when i went to pick up his call during gp.... brought back memories... but itz over n done and i'm looking forward to better days.


so anyway had a good time yesterday, havent felt like that for a long time..... :)


you cant read this but i miss you..... waiting for your kol....ok i'm quite mushy now. cant help it la. but gain this doesnt feel like the heady cloud-nine feeling but a more firm, rooted feeling. not love yet definitely but the more i look at his face the more rase sayang timbul kat hati.


i'll try.




itz a bit tough to be starting from scratch all over again but i find myself relishing every moment, perhaps at the end of this we'll emerge better people. i'll do wat i can to make this work babe i promise. we'll both do our parts... right now i noe there's a rough patch but like u said, ultimately kite yg menentukan whether this works or not. kite mintak maaf kalau kadang2 kite perangai sikit...... sorila wak, awak tau kan kite tk pernah ade niat nk burukkan keadaan. i'll c u as soon as i can.


i tau sayang, u keep saying yang sudah tu sudah..... :) yang pentingnye we've got each other to spend our days with right now.. nantilah u, sabar n i'll introduce u to mummy ok... insya'allah tt will happen.

98 degrees n mariah

I would give up everything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found the unvernished truth
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heart it would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby
I'm so thankfulI found you

I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world
I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Because without you beside me
I can't survive
I don't wanna try
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be all right
Cause I need you in my life

[Chorus]
See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess it shows
that we were destined to shine
After the rain to appreciate
And care for what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

[Chorus]
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby
I'm so thankfulI found you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby
I'm so thankful I found you



darling i'm so thankful i found you.... i find myself tearing as i write this.... thanks baby.

wey....

hey..... i noe i noe stop nagging... i havent updated for a while...

well folks i am blissfully happy now. if you were meant to noe u wld have been told...

so ya... happpppppppppppppyyyyyyyy.

beb i'll tell you the funny details soon. love u too.


alhamdulilah for the way things are now. :)

itz been a long time

itz been a long time time...without a dope beat to step to, step to....

if at frist u dont succeed, brush the dust of and try again, try again


but sometimes towards the end i wonder if whatever it is i am doing is worth it. oh well.


anyways, been to bebeh's blog and i see my name a few times there so i shall plagiarise your things again k.. muacks love you beb.. we r so lesbo lol. ladies an d gentlemen tt was a joke we r effing straight pppl ok.


i like this :
The truth is we hide so we can be found,
we walk away to see who will follow,
we cry to see who will wipe away our tears
& we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them

She wanted something else.
Something different.
Something more.
Passion & romance, perhaps.
Or maybe quiet conversations in a candle lit room,
or maybe,
it was something as simple as not always being second in his heart

i can identify with that. tak siapa di antara kita di dunia memilih jalan hidup yang derita.


Sometimes... me think, what is friend & then me say, friend is someone to share the last cookie with.

or....someone to share the last takopachi with...right bebeh???? :P


and you want me to do the 7 things shit so i shall do it now for u.

* 7 RANDOM FACTS ABT MEEE *
- i am effing loyal if i love someone. tt's kinda disadvantageous sometimes
- i love people
-singing is my life
-i love kids
- i dont want to be a housewife
- i i luuuurve hanging out with close frens
- i am conservative though i dont look it.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE MEEE *

- losing my life in a painful and agonising death.
- losing my loved ones.
- not being happy. i'm not happy now.
- not being able to trust.
- buat dosa2 besar. astaghfirullah al'azim. insya'allah tak
-losing my voice
- animals. most of them.


7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT
well songs stuck in my head for now are:

- unfaithful - rihanna
- buttons- pussycat dolls
- without u - mariah carey. i love her.
-best fren - hu izzit ah
-be without you - mary j blige
- world cup song. not the ml version. haha.
- open arms - mariah carey. give me her voice!


7 things i like most

- laughing
-singing
-reading
-hanging out
-hanging out
-hanging out
-being in love

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST

- fuck la
- blardy hell
- otak kau
-yek eleh
-gawd
-*****
-yay

nak amek kau beb.....


ok i go plagiarise summore. but stuff abt me and me beb la.

copy from ana's post :

today was a nice day =)
Met up with my darling SITI RAHAYU aka AYU or mostly known as BEBEH. hahaha i think that name is stuck on you girl, even Ari doesnt know who I'm talking about when i mentioned your name until i told him it's BEBEH. khakhaSo anyway, I have a mini-phobia with slippers since i keep having slippers suddenly putus-ing alot nowadays (funny incident..i acterli went around asking for a translation of PUTUS in english....sunggoh tarching). hardiharhar so dengan selambenye i wore my three quarters khaki pants with a formal striped black shirt with my trailer sneakers kekekeke....went for my driving lesson which was not so bad today n decided to meet BEBEH!so went to Sengkang and ate kat Banquet...talk talk punyer talk, mulot gatal nak makan ice cream. pusing satu compasspoint tak tau maner leh dapat ice cream. tarching lorrh... so we were like going in and out shops like nobody business and laughing our asses off by stupid comments. hahaha people were looking at us but do we care? NOOOOOOO simply cos we are MAD, KERAZEE, HIGH FROM EACH OTHER and simply because i dont live there so haha low possibility of people i know bumping into me (walaupon Singapore ni kecik ajer tempatnye) and bebeh doesnt always go there. so yeah, basically we are macam 'foreigners' kat saner khakhakhakha. step foreigners menyampah.so then we finally bought our ice cream from 7-eleven and ate our desserts kat luar nearby. so we were commenting on people2 around us, making stupid noises, laughing our asses off on stuff that i could never remember. but time spent with bebeh is always fun =) larps yoOoUuuyarh basically thats my day spent .. hehehe i m loving my life =)

well got not much to add oreadi la mebbe tmr or sumtg. ciao.

watz the date?

been trying for the last 2 mins to figure out the date but nvm...hmmmmm... life has been relatively tolerable, tho felt a bit sick earlier. of course that was remedied by my bebeh. for once in a long2 while she decided to come over to sengkang instead.had lots of food and ice-cream then disturbed kids at the mall... dont u love kids? i sure do. altho i dont behave like a very maternal person, i am still a woman at the end of the day hehe. i reali feel like throwing this blardy pc out the window now. pls get me a new one somebody. terencat aku nak update la. n one of the most interesting topics: love am not in love now, at least not the heady cloud nine feeling. itz stable and more mature, clearly there's no more idol-worshipping or watsoeva. i'm clearly aware of his faults,a nd i can live with them. tt's a gd start. :) happy holidays frens. for those who are not having one, one word........ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

YES I NOE. U BLARDY BITCH. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. LOL

back from vietnam

i had fun in vietnam..... ms nora said tt she will miss me, esp running into her room late at night. let's juz say me and rozie were freaked out to an inch of our lives.... freaky stuff happened.... nevertheless had a good trip overall, except perhaps the abstinence from the ultimate sin made me a bit kooky n bad-tempered towards the end. i'm toking abt chocs la. my pc is being blardy irritating so i'll continue sum other day... 50 or 500.. a tinge of orange. lol.

the girl calls her bf**ring****ring****ring**
boy:hellogir

l:hi baby,why didnt you ever call me back?

boy:uhhh......i was busy....im sorry

girl:its ok,but i really needed you more than ever that night(she starts to cry)
just promise me you'll call me when i ask you to,ok?

boy:ok,but whats wrong?

girl:nothing.....but do you love me?

boy:yes of course i do , why?

girl:how much do you love me?

boy:more than anyone could ever imagine....
i would even take a bullet for you,why whats wrong?

girl:would you do anything for me?

boy:baby,you know i would do anything to make you happy.is there something wrong?

girl:(starts to cry again) no but do this for me,never talk to me again.we're over.(she hangs upthephone)

boy:(he tries to call back but the phone is disconnected.......a week later he decides to go to stop by her house.

parents:(in tears)here.....she asked us togive you this note right before (they just break down crying)(the boy takes the note and while he's driving home all he can think about is why her parents were so upset) (when he gets home he reads the letter it says.....im sorry i broke up with you,but i had no choice.i onlyhave 6-7 days to live, i figure it would be easier this way.and in case you were wondering why i asked you all those questions about how much you loved me so i could hear you say them 1 last time)the next day the boy was found dead with a gun in one hand and a note in the other.the note said "i told her i would take a bullet for her"



sweet la but merepek pon ade jugak. in the first place susah nak carik lelaki macam tu. terperok kat mane entah.

one thing i hafta add is if u treat me like some 2nd class person, last minute replacement or sumtg pls dont expect me to welcome you like a king.

if the nature of the whole relationship is based on deceit, i cant force myself to act all friendly as if there's nothing wrong.

regrets

i dont have many of them. especially in certain things. maybe i do stupid things sometimes, but i am NOT psycho. itz more of being driven by this deep feeling or emotion. which is not madness.


Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


i see that now. when you finallly take a few steps back, you realise those moments are the ones you would want to relive. consequences might be rather painful later, but i also wouldnt trade it for anything else.


u say i'm nice. but i wasnt always nice to u was i..... there were times when i'd be ranting and raving like a mad woman, even recently. itz not because i enjoy doing tt, or because i'm mad ( the word appears again) but because itz something tt i believe in, and love makes u do really weird stuff. it makes me cry afterwards, for myself as well as for you.


i'll take whatever comes. life is too short to have regrets. i guess u already know how i feel, so there's no use in saying what we both already know. oh well.


never look back. we're here now.

oi

havent been updating for abt a week or so... that's because nothing has happened lately. yes, big surprise there. i have relinquished wateva social life i used to have. feel like gg off now. sigh. am so tired. have 2 periods of lit later on. end at 515 as usual. bummer.


through with love- destiny's child

Beyonce:
I gave my heart to you
I gave up my friends like you said I should do
Put aside my smile for you
threw out my dreams if you said you didn't approve
I gave my mind, compromise my life
just to see I'd find
you were trying hold me back
slowly throwing me off of my track
disappointed again

Chorus 1:
I'm through with it, love
I'm through with it,
through with it, love
I'm through with it,
through with it, love
I'm through with it,
through with it, love
I'm finally giving it up


I've given so much in the past for a love I never had
I’m through with it
I'm, I'm through with it, love
I'm through with it,
through with it,
loveI'm finally giving it up.

Oh, there you go, comparing me
To every little model on the tv screen
Oh there you go, complaining to me,
cause I wanna spend time with my family
My esteem has gone down
You never wanna take me out
You make me feel dumb, and alone
I don't know where to go
I'm through with it

{Chorus 1}

Kelly:
I shared all my secrets with you
Even when it hurt telling the truth
I Paralyze my growth for you
I gave you control felt so helpless without you
Couldn’t be a friend
To anyone happy
Cause with you
I see misery loves company
I don't know if this is love
Cause if it's love
I don't want it anymore
I'm through with it

{Chorus 1}

Michelle:

Why do I feel so empty?
I’m crying out for some stability
Destroy my many insecurities
I'm breaking down somebody pray for me
Need a love like no other
not an ordinary love
Restore my joy, wisdom and courage
Lord I need your love

I found a new love,
I found new,
found a new love
I finally found it in God

Chorus 2:

I found a new love
I found a new,
found a new love
I found a new,
found a new love
I found a new,
found a new love
I finally found it in God
I've given so much in the past,
for a love I've always had
I've found a new...I,
I, found a new love
I found a new,
found a new love
I finally found it in God!



i hope u understand why i cant go thru with it. i just cant. it wouldnt be right, people will be hurt. already as it is, u're not happy are u? i hope u can see tt itz betta off if we're not together. i'm sorry. i like u as a friend, i'm grateful tt u've been nice to me, tt' u've waited for more than a year for me but the feeling's not there. itz not something i can force. plus my previous experiences really taught me than this isnt something i should play ard with. i need to sort things out, there's so many things i wanna do and it isnt fair if we're in a rship, i wouldnt be faithful. i know it. watz the pt of being with u if my heart is with someone else? i'm nt saying it is, but there's this void tt cant be filled easily. u've tried, i know, n i thank u for tt, but...... itz complicated. i'm really in no hurry at all to be in a rship. i belive kalau memang dah jodoh tu, we'll be together no matter wat so berserah aje la, i'm not looking for love. i dont intend to get married b4 25. tt's a long way to go. i now kite merancang, tuhan yg menentukan. but i oso believe tt kalau kite ade niat baik nak bantu keluarga ( i'm the eldest) then isya'allah things will be fine. lagipon cukupla dgn benda2 bodoh yg aku buat wen i was 16, 17. wat i choose to do now is to forget abt love n do the things tt wont hurt me in the end, tt wont have disastrous effects on my life coz i simply cant take any more. tt's the truth. u wont know i'm writing this, but i wish u'd know tt i'm not fooling ard.. i'm so so sorry. read the words in bold.


kalau memang jodoh kite, tak ke mana.

tuerr

am officially 19 now. no difference la, maybe lost abit of weight over the last couple of weeks because this freak has another obsession. haha. hopefully it'll be lifelong one.

bebeh i love you! b5 clique, i love you! mummy n daddy, i love you too!

haha. well, today i have to stay all the way till 515... but a 4 hr break in between the lessons. blardy hell, i say. as such, i hafta cancel my date. tired.

wasnt reali looking forward to it but i feel bad for always declining. bukan nak step but u cant force urself wen it comes to things like this.

anyway, thanks for the stuff u guys bought me. realli appreciate it.


anyway, yesterday i went to mit bebeh for a late lunch.. then as i was heading for the bus-stop i met my cuzin, so we headed to this stairwell to smoke. she's an underaged smoker haha. but yupz anyway, i put bebeh's present next to my bag and went yakkity-yak for about an hour plus then we left tampines. the plan was to take a bus to pasir ris intc then transfer to service no 88. so ya, happily sat in 15 until blardy hellllllllllll!

that dear present was still at the stairwell. so me being me, started spewing expletives in the bus cursing my carelessness. my heart must skipped 5 beats or sumthing. plus knowing that my heartbeat isnt regular ( KKCWH says so ) that wasnt a good thing. was close to tears. i recall telling my cuzin that "kalau present dari jantan aku tak kisah, ni present dari best fren aku siak!" Spoken like a true deep down to the roots minah.

but ya, by the time i realised it we were already sumwer in pasir ris. i alighted and took 15 back to tampines and half walked and ran back to that block. macam2 doa aku baca.



It was still there. It was really meant for me i guess, memang rezeki agaknye. close to 45 minutes and it was untouched. incredible. anyway, itz this beautiful necklace with my initial ( which is an A you moron ) on it.


anyway i called bebeh when i was at the bus-stop after i got it back and told her wat happened. i said tt itz typical of kite, bile susah, bile terdesak baru ingat Tuhan, ingat baca doa. Insya'allah will work on tt :)


anyway bebeh, see what u mean to me???? huh? huh? huh? DO YOU LOVE ME OR DO YOU LOVE ME????

ish ish ish.