cepatttt

i've got 5 min to do this so it has to be fast...anyway, itz bar's bdae today..happy bdae moo...you idiot. dont ask me y i call him tt..anyway me in the com lab now, takde melayu..... feel so refreshed..ain beside me keeps saying she smells nice ( coz we juz had a bath)

anyway...tmr and sat me gg out yippeeeeeeeeeeee.... ah ye abis promos hancur

lol. ciao

i work hard for the monehhhhh

beb, what to get for your bdae ah..... nvm dont tell me i shall figure out sumtg...what if i dont come on the 24th? :P

anyway...damn exam season sekarang..both me and my student. get it over and done with...man i'm famished.... eh girl, must i break an arm before i can see you? must get admitted to the hospital baru nampak batang hidung kau agaknya... anyway, come and stay over at my place on that day la.... hmmzzz...persuade ur dad...

aku mcm kemaruk gambar eh..haha. aku malas nak arrange lawa2 la.. tengok je eh. gambar ni latest, last mth. yg selenge kat atas tu da lame jugak.






so yupzz.... that's me and my younger sis on my bdae in may..i like the pic :)

i'm still alive

dont worry i'm still alive and snoring.... have been busy with dance and what-nots and now that i actually have time for other things, i find it kinda weird...used to the late nights i guess.... hmmmzz... now in sch waiting for the rest of the ml a peepz before i head over to the beach...

and i'm hungry.. sigh.


anyway my darling bebeh, i'm happy but i'm not gay aite... com'on admit it u're the one with a huge crush on me... ur boyfren is juz a sorry excuse to cover up..lol....

kidding la.

so yeah, anything juz pop a message here la though i doubt i'll answer anytime soon hehe.. but yes i'm very much alive... ciao.

BACK!!!!!!!

hey...cant stop my itchy fingers from writing...... anyway itz a real pity to give up on the blog, coz it is already more than a year old now.... nothing much happening lately, so there's nothing to report. pretty boring actually... but itz good to be back here... do message me here aite.

heh.heh.heh

i think my bro needs to visit the shrink..gawd. do you know where you're going to.. do you like the things that life has shown to you...where are you going to... do you know.... all i noe is that time will prove who is right and who's wrong. and with that, ladies and gentlemen, i end this blog. itz not worth pouring out my feelings here ( albeit somewhat subdued due to unwanted attention) and then being skewered for it. this is my place. i didnt ask you to come. so from now on, whatever i feel, my triumphs, my failures, will be for me and for me only to know. and of course for those fully deserving of being told. without me running the risk of being ridiculed. but i am fully happy in the sense that i know you will get your returns in due time. all of you. including you, you who i had never doubted for the longest time, n now i've come to realise that you'r no different from them. damn you, i trusted you. goodbye singing-freak. goodbye to you. i've given you one too many chances and instead you spat in my face. lidah tidak bertulang ucapan cinta menghiris kalbu kukan pergi...membawa diri cinta dihati terkubur lagi mungkin satu hari insya'allah dengan izin tuhan kau akan tahu juga apa yang aku lakukan untuk kau selama ini. dan kau akan menyesal. dan aku harap kau akan berubah. namun aku tetap berharap kau senang dan bahagia sekarang. jangan sesiakan orang yang kau sayang. peace be upon you.

101

itz abang norman's 25th birthday today....eeee so old ready lol. today i've been an absolutely angelic person and stayed at home. besides, the weather was fantastic for perpetual hibernators like me.... i've got one last paper on monday then itz back to the normal lessons...tedious work and what-nots. so hopefully tonight i'll get some revision done because knowing my family, we'd probably be out the whole weekend. yesterday, even though din's house is like four bus-stops away from mine, i took a cab home because i simply couldnt muster enough strength to take those two bloody buses home. so imagine my surprise (and anger) when the taxi driver took me on a nice long ride around punggol when i told him about a million and one times that i stayed in sengkang. the idiot kept on scolding me and said " tak tau balik, cakap tak tau balik la" then i said i do know how to get home but how the hell was i to direct him if he kept on going deeper into punggol? ingatkan aku takde keje kepe rounding punggol??? so ya, in the end he went to block 142 punggol. ya allah i got so pissed off i said uncle, this is still punggol. my house is at block 142 sengkang, all the way at the other end. then he stopped the cab and talked to another driver. in the end he told me to take the other guy's cab. and he asked me to pay the fare which gullible me, agreed to... when i was in the other guy's cab he said that i wasnt supposed to pay.... that bastard asked for duit minyak. so instead of paying ard 3 bucks i paid 7. i dont really mind as long as i reached hm safe la, tapi bingitttttttttttttnye. so yupz........................yesterday was indeed an eventful day.

mendaaaaaakkkkk

bored. juz came back awhile ago from gallivanting with one of my favourite people on earth and elsewhere. supposed to resume mugging mania but i'm more than willingly sacrificing a quarter of an hour or so to update this ol' blog of mine, speaking of which, itz been over a year since i've kept this one, which means i've blogged for around four years. what a mountain of crap i've accumulated. but itz kidna nice to look at the old entries and see what i had to say regarding certain issues. certainly amusing sometimes. which also reminds me that itz would also be a year soon, since i met someone. oh well. i'm sick of having to always be the one to initate things. i'm NOT talking about sexual issues here lol. but yeah, it really pisses me off that i always end up apologising for eveything. may as well apologise for my existence. which also brings to mind that a lot of people want me dead. oh well.. you cant please everyone. cant wait for the exams to be over. but i have to be responsible for danial and din then....haiz..great expectations. night all... heading back to the land of swimming words and beckoning sleep.

cleopatra tak menjadi..lol

for this, i have to blame ms lenny. although i made it clear that i wasnt to put on all this nonsensical garb, i still had to in the end... n forgot the lyrics. major mistake as a singer. i think this was over 2 yrs ago... sigh. anyway....not in school today because of certain stuff..first of all, i'm tired. secondly, i need to sort out certain stuff that will never be finished if my ass is in school. nothing to update actually...juz woke up. hungryyyyyyyyy.

back again

i havent been blogging for over a week....school juz started again and so far itz been ok i guess... went out till late late night then had to teach tuition today...tired. i'm in for a lot of work. nothing much to update. mostly mediocre stuff. so yupz............ feel like falling asleep again but my guilty conscience wont let me. oh well... n kak yana..few weeks to freedom. hold on!!! and bebeh.... i love you. CHIN UP! even though i should say the same for myself. i didnt intend to cry on thurs. it was so trivial actually. what's the saying again..the straw that broke the camel's back? yeah. it was a catalyst for the leaky faucet to start..i guess i've held of things inside n that was the breaking point. well like i've said before airmata itu penghapus dosa. satu hari nanti wateva u've done to me will be haunting you. that's why i'm not doing anything about it. life has itz own queer ways of retribution which i am quite in favour of, istead of self-prescribed justice. just you wait.

mari dangdut bang....

itz scary when i watch ahan dance sometimes... he's so good that he freaks me out. i miss the jantan and pompuan joget days... it was only a few weeks ago but seems like forever now. anyway this picture was taken by our official Joget Club photographer Siti there in the blue shirt.. the dance was hilarious like i've said before. now when i think back the practices were loads of fun too. i remember one day when we were trying out new moves to incorporate and such... i dunno what the hell we were doing before that but somehow i ended up on akbar's back. that idiot then suddenly walked over to the front of the stage and thereatened to drop me. picture this : this bugger standing at the edge of the stage, about 2 metres high, and me perched on his back, clinging on for dear life. i didnt dare open my eyes. i dont think i would have made it back in one piece if he did drop me and according to aisyah, it looked like he was going to. told you i have a love-hate relationship with him. but then again, let me reiterate that we are just frens. in fact if i ever end up with any of these two...oh nevermind. gawd no thank you. think things are excellent in their current status. do you have a calculator? lol.

kelakar lah you ni

think i've overused a particular word in my vocabulary. idiot. no matter what the occasion, that word always resurfaces. and it doesnt necessarily mean that itz an insult ya. so i guess you can be happy if i call you one. i'm not exactly very lavish with my compliments, especially when it comes to les hommes. but yes, my point is that i am a HUGE ONE.idiot, that is. and in this case i dont mean it in a flattering manner.let me enlighten you. as you might know, i've been mostly bedridden ( hell, memories of things stuck in my veins suddenly appear. and someone's face. shoo.) since sunday, after i've come home from the 'ton' ning session at east coast and a trip to town to see some booty-shakin'. that night i felt weird, had the feeling i was coming down with something. and yeah, remembering what happened the last time i was majorly sick ( earlier this year when i had a horrible horrible bout of food-poisoning) i decided not to take any chances and stopped eating everything within sight like i normally do. i even had the great PRESENCE OF MIND to treat it like a detox session. of course, knowing ayu, it had to go all wrong...you know when you're sick you should never deprive yourself of much-needed things ( like FOOD you dumbass) but yeah, clever me went to do just the opposite. had just a slice of bread each day since mon. the funny thing was i spent the last couple of days in bed worrying that it was another case of food-poisoning because my stomach was on the verge off putting up a sign saying " ENOUGH GARBAGE!" or so i thought....it really was saying " GET MORE FOOD IN HERE YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!" i was actually experiencing hunger pangs.

i feel good now... sambal goreng has never tasted better. yum yum.

a vision of love - that is all that you've given to me

mak...sakit

i am in excruciating pain right now. have been since sunday night. if i dont make it through, i want you to know that i love you very very very much baby. always have and always will. gawd. such a drama mama. but i am in pain. seriously. cant get out of bed except to drink some water and fall back on the bed in a drunken stupor and not see anything else exept the next sunrise. or sundown. and can you believe it, i'm actually craving for lj's now. alas, cant even make it to the kitchen without visualising an oasis there. which is, in fact, probably the water i spilled when it was making its way to my mouth. oopsie. giggle. ooookie..think i'm becoming an utter floozie. back to the bed. dont make me close one more doooooooooooooooooor i dont want to hurt anymore stay in my arms if you dare or must i imagine you there dont walk away from me dont walk away from me dont you dare walk away from me ( wow... becoming quite a threat here. protection order is on its way) i have nothing nothing nothing if i dont have you.................... i'm going nuts. rock a bye baby.....

nyeh

"airmata itu penghapus dosa" stupid me. was cooking something in the kitchen then while waiting for it to boil went to my room and read up a few more pages.... and almost forgot about it. home alone today, so am busying myself in the kitchen experimenting. been out a lot last 2 weeks, spent the night at east coast two days ago, then headed to town to watch my friend. so yupz...got a fever today and i deserve it. ok not much to say but i think my radar senses someone 'new'. poor adam. hate being pressurised into anything, especially relationships. yucks. am 'dating' my friends now. so much better. lol. yum.. the food cooking excellently. can smell it from my room. think i'll have a fag too. ciao.

psycho bitch aye......hahahahaha

come on lah ppl don make me laff u have nothing better to do other than trying to make other ppl miserable izzit..... thank gawd for the others.. i'm showing you hypocrites the door. get out of my life.. this door wont open for you again. well seems like everything i say is taken out of context...and hilariously what i DONT say also surfaces....now who's psycho. but yeah...i'm happy with the way things are now. not farcical or just a show... but something real. and i have him to thank for it. although for us things are gonna be quite difficult, at least itz betta knowing that everything, even the fights, are real and not just a figment of some poor soul's imagination. think i wanna go out today. weather looks sunny enough for a day out. plus i've earned it. and yes, think i am finally over that good-for-nothing. scram you bastard along with the rest of you. itz mutual now that we dont need each other so if you dont mind, the door is open wide. and please remember your manners and shut it behind you. if you have any, that is. lol. all this hurts for now but i know retribution is on the way. and karma...well what goes around comes around. you'll get your fair share, darlings. muacks.. hahahahahaha. wat a funny world we live in. so full of liars, cheats and suck-uppers. i'm not a saint, hell i have done a lot of wrongs...well, enough said. the surface....well u really hafta look deep nowadays. they can say whatever they want to say..try to bring me down...but i refuse to fall. patience has itz own rewards. i'll wait.

one day all this will be behind me and i can juz laugh at all this trivialities....because i know myself better. and i've learnt to respect myself too. so do take your knife from my back and wipe it clean. i dont want any stains on the carpet.

pyscho??? i'll give you psycho. lol. you dont know what YOU'RE talking about. in the meantime grow up and learn to respect yourself and others. learn how to love, unconditionally. learn to forgive. learn about loyalty. THEN you can come and talk to me.

peace be upon you.

ooooooooweeeeeeeee

oh yum baby..... gawd so much stuff happening this week.... kinda confused but i got what i asked for- more excitement... dunno what to think now so i shant speculate....the impossible has also happened... i have learnt the hard way and now whatever happens to me if itz personal i shall be a lot more selective in the people i tell it to...damn you big-mouths. went out the whole of this week..tmr shall head to the beach to pig out..u noe the drill... food food and more food. yesterday went swimming with akbar...damn hilarious i tell u.... next week i dont think i'll be able to go out much..i do have a pending lunch date but i dunno whether i want to or not.. i am NOT bragging here..i'm amused by this sudden surge of interest from men... but thank gawd this time i'm single..and yes more selective again...... juz told someone off last night. well i shall not dither around here and juz tell you that i am very very very happy today. didnt expect to have that kinda feeling again so soon... maybe i've been having it but realising that i do is another matter altogether.

itz not love though. definitely. not yet anyway.

shite

damn.... now i'm NEGOTIATING about a date.... alamak.. shite lah. should i go?????? argh. ok... think i'll go. but weird..i've never gone out on a date with a close friend before...gulp... not used to it.

well there's always a first time.....

was listening to my mc cd and fell in love with a new song now... again, i wonder y i didnt earlier.

love takes time - mariah carey

I had it all
But i let it slip away
Couldnt see that I treated you wrong
Now i wander around
Feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you're gone

c/o

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that i was blind
To let you go
I cant escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I dont wanna be here.... alone

Losing my mind
from this hollow in my heart
Suddenly i'm so incomplete
Lord I'm needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly

c/o
You might say tt itz over
You might say tt you dont care
You might say you dont miss me
You dont need me
But i know tt you do and i feel tt you do...
Inside




nice..wonder if anyone thinks of me these days

nice line

" the greater the love, the greater the tragedy "

wee

ok so the show's over..but it was the most fun thing i've done in awhile... albeit the most cocked up but it was syiokkkkkkk. i bet i looked ridiculous with the arm bands at my elbows. and it was hilarious when the ping!ping! sounds broke my concentration on stage...but yeah..it was a cool performance. i was laughing the whole time. btw, the ping!ping! sounds are actually all our arm bands dropping onto the stage floor........


finally got to know them a whole better.. sitting at marina square on sat was nice...romantic even. hmmm...i should say itz a bit shocking and graphic what i've heard but now i'm all the wiser about the issue..and more open-minded. so yupz here i am with this cream on my face ( i dunno wat but it smells like calamine lotion to me) drinking milo and being bored.... but i guess i'm doing ok... occupied with stuff right now but my smoking has gotten worse... sigh... find myself buying pack after pack... but at least i'm not on reds anymore..but tobacco is still tobacco right...
i'm hungry.. actually i need a fag more but cant. damn. just now i had to lots to say but it has all gone kaput now. reading schindler's list for the second time.... cool stuff.


i dunno wat the hell is the problem with me and akbar............... arghhhhhh. we fight too much! the whole time we're out..and that's quite often, we're like shuddup lah... go away lah.. and i'm forever hitting him. yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? so damn irritating. bah. shall msg him later. how the hell did i become his dance partner and survive the whole thing? and how come at the end of the day, although we squabble like little kids A LOT, my head still lands on his shoulder? weird stuff i tell you...


fuck....the whole thing is starting again right under my nose... do i have the heart to wreck a happy family...MINE???? gawd i need help on this. immediate relief would be of course a fag. thank gawd for hueva first discovered the joy of tobacco.

and please stop having preconceived notions abt me..stop feeling sorry for me, stop thinking that you know how i feel because damnit u dont know me. and stay out of my business. all u bloody mothafuckas have done enough damage.


on a lighter note....... i've discovered a true friend. for now. as for love...who the hell is *****?????????????? huh????????

phuck you

sigh sigh sigh.... am so tired today.... ah boy has finally been circumsized.... but i cant see him yet coz i'm having my period. i dont see the connection there but then again... waddeheck... lotsa things dont make sense...like how i can go on and on and on loving someone although it doesnt make sense to me at all....

and it doesnt make sense what the hell u were trying to do... but dont you come to me saying.. oh i hope u're fine ( bcoz i'm not. i have a stiff neck from patting the baby to sleep and not having any myself and spending the whole night resting my head on my arm) and that u're in this and that and i read your blog everyday because u bloody bastard, i dont fucking care.... you have made my life hell when i clearly gave up so much for you but you never fucking appreciated me.

but who am i kidding. i still care about you no matter what. i still dont understand y now, so many months after all the shit started i still forgive your every wrong when knowing myself i'd usually have run far away by this time. and i dont understand y all this shit happened to me.


so yupz here i am typing away with a stiff neck and trying hard to make some sense out of my life. i dont regret what happened but it does leave a bitter taste in the mouth..
love...such a funny word.

LIARRRRRRRRRRRR

i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him

I hate YOU.

damn mothafuckas. hypocrites.